Bring on the Rain - Part 5

[saffie]

Sue,

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

I agree with what all the others have said. Everyone does things they wish they hadn't or backslides. Sometimes they happen for a very good reason. You can still see in your H the reasons why you fell in love with him - that stuff doesn't just die.

You know....your family just worry about you Sue; they don't want to see you reeled back in further and hurt more - but you have to find your own way through this. I bet your mum is wishing she was as strong as you.

[L21959]

(((Sue)))

Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you...

You have so many friends here to support you.

And Saffie is spot on here--

You can still see in your H the reasons why you fell in love with him - that stuff doesn't just die.

But the positive things you are doing for you and your D4 far outweigh any 'wishful desires' that you (and I and many of us here I'm sure) still have for H...

You are so good and kind and strong; you really are doing so well. I hope you have a wonderful time with your folks and friends in SD...i bet the change in scenery will really do wonders.

Hugs to you....

L2

[SueS]

Not much to say today other than thanks. I'm still amazed at the support people give.

Quiet evening for me. I bummed around a few stores and then finally went home. It was quiet for me. H called a few times yesterday. He seems to be calling more often during the day & evenings than he had in a long time. He also asked me if I'd been eating much. He said that over the weekend he noticed that I wasn't eating much. I told him I hadn't been very hungry. He said, Sue, you have to eat.

Work has been really, really busy, so that helps. My boss gave me my raise amount today. Not wonderful but I'm trying to look at it in a view of....I have a job and I did get a raise. With everything happening these days, I'm lucky for that.

D4 called today a couple of times. She was supposed to go to the Rodeo last night with my nieces but it was rained out. They're going to try to go tonight. She's pretty excited. She called to ask if she could go and then asked what a rodeo was.

Well, back to work.

SueS

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Sue,

Congrats on the raise, and you're right -- in today's market, that's a GOOD thing!

Have you made any decisions about what you'd like to do re: emotional and physical closeness with your husband, in light of your current situation?

a) ignore the weekend like nothing happened, and go back to being distant

b) ignore the weekend like nothing happened, and try to stay close emotionally and physically

c) talk to him about the weekend, say it was a mistake, and go back to being distant

d) talk to him about the weekend, say it was nice and desireable, and vow to try to stay close emotionally and physically

e) other??

I'm curious as to what you think. You either need a new plan, or some resolve to get back to the OLD plan, IMHO.

Puppy

[SweetRedd]

Sue,

I detect some "I'm sad and lonely" in your tone? Not sure, but it begs the question.. when was the last time you went out with your girlfriends and relaxed? This is a hard transition for you, try not to spend more time alone than is good for you.. please? If you're exhausted and don't feel like good company, is there someone that you can call just to hang out for a bit.. grab a cup of coffee, lunch or something? D4 lifts your spirits so much, I worry about you having her gone and having time on your hands.. and thinking too much!

I might be way off, but I do worry about you.. especially right now. If you're not feeling "right" reach out and ask for some moral support and company if you need it.

BIG huggggs!

Sheila

[Sara]

Sue,

I agree with Piglet, there was a friend who said to call her whenever. You should stay connected to people. It's so hard after moving, and to be without your little love. Boy, she is cute! I could just eat her up. (I love to kiss children's bellies, now I can only do it to my dogs.) I love the rodeo excitement. She'll be even more excited tomorrow after she sees it.

And Sue, your sex life is your own. You don't need to talk about it here if you don't want to.

[Rob1231]

I'll ask Sheila's question a different way: What are you doing these days to GAL and keep up your PMA? That stuff is ALWAYS important, no matter where you are in your sitch!

[Startingover2]

We all have backslides. Just pick up and go on from here. I find myself backsliding all the time when H seems 'normal'. But then I realize and remember all the things he has done in the past. I also remember this may all be an act to gain sympathy. Your H is no victim. He created this mess for everyone.

Hang in there.

[SueS]

Good morning-

Well, to answer some questions...

For some PMA, I did some shopping after work. I bought new "undergarments" and some new pants. Went home and threw out the things I felt were old and put some more things away to get organized. I set an appointment for a haircut tonight.

I did keep myself as busy as possible last night....not real fun stuff, but it kept my mind off of things. Laundry, organizing, reading. I'm still reading "Beauty For Ashes" by Joyce Meyer. I like it so far. It's inspiring. There were some parts in there that I wish my H would read.

H talked to me about church last night. When we talked, I'd mentioned that D4 had gotten really excited when she'd heard the bells from the church by my moms. She thought it was time to go. He asked me when I was going to get back to church and enroll D4 into Sunday School. I'd just been looking again a few days ago. It's something he hasn't talked about in a very, very long time. Something that he didn't seem to have an interest in any more. That's not saying that he intends on going at all but I was glad to see that he's interested in D4 going.

I'm looking forward to my dr. appointment tomorrow and also to going home to see my friends.

Have a great day.

[SueS]

Good Afternoon-

I went to the doctor today and she uppped my meds. Probably very needed. She feels like since I've had a couple of bouts with depression in the last 5-6 years that I need a longer therapy time. No more 5-6 months. She wants to look at 3-5 years. When we talked about some of my own issues and issues in my marriage pre-A, she asked why I hadn't sought out a doctor's advice then. I told her that I did....twice. Same doctor, but when I wasn't feeling better about things after a few months, I'd gone back to him again. She was upset that he had not suggested any type of therapy or medication then. She said that she knows it wouldn't have been a cure for my M or for my issues overall, but she thinks it would have helped me a lot. She thinks that I'd have had a better handle on life and might have been able to see things more clearly. Hindsight is 20/20, right? She recommended a book for me to read and insisted that I start back with my therapist, seeing her at least once every 2 weeks.

I got the haircut last night! It's even shorter than last time, but it feels good. Got a compliment right away this morning too! That made me feel good.

I pack tonight and take off from work tomorrow to head to my parent's house. Can't wait to see D4. I talked to her this morning. She was being a silly one and as always, she made me smile.

Not much else going on. Work is busy and I'm still trying to organize at home.

SueS