The fact that you keep trying to be okay with this sitch, when in your guts, you KNOW it is wrong for him to treat you badly, hurtful to you, NOT the way you want to live... and yet you keep trying to get along... as if just by being better somehow, YOU can shape his behavior into something civilized.
Honey, if you decide to stay in this sitch, it MUST be with the clear-eyed realization that he could very well be this way forever. He might change, true... he might start treating you well 51% of the time... but he might never do it. I'm not saying you have to make any radical decisions right now. But be open to a future without him.
I don't know if you're a praying person or if you "pray" but call it something else, but consider this: the Infinite (whatever your name for that is) has an infinite imagination and infinite creativity at its disposal-- WAY more imagination and creativity than you do. You feel stuck, but the Infinite is NOT stuck. You're right about trying to give your mind a rest. Establish some kind of soothing phrase, like mental "white noise" to say to yourself over and over when the mental chatter is like a buzz saw. Something like "all is well." And remember that you do have a happy and fulfilled future ahead of you even if you can't see it right now... but you must let go and be open to it. I firmly believe you don't have to DO anything at the moment. When you do need to do something, it will become apparent at that time. Can you really let yourself believe this... and align yourself emotionally with whatever Loving Force it is that is behind and underneath your life. I know you can. You need some relief, and it's not to be found outside of yourself. You must find it inside.
Quote:
Regarding miracles: I also believe in miracles. In this case, whether or not he changes, that's HIS miracle. What about YOUR miracle? You can bring your miracle into being by loving yourself the way you wish he loved you. By making yourself a high priority the way you wish he would.
This was the advice I was given on Sunday and it has given me alot of peace of mind. And alot to think about... ~Ali
