You handled the situation with the kids, and the OM being there, very well. In fact, you are handling the kids EXTREMELY well.
She is seeing what she is doing to her family, h4h. She misses her kids, and sees that she is choosing to be a part time mom. She believes she has no real choice...that she could stay with you, but then she would forever be unhappy and in her mind that is not good for the kids either. Ok, so.......could be a good time for retro info.- letting her know that she DOES have a way to have it all: able to be a full time mom and have a happy life with you. I believe this is a critical time because the kids are most emotional right now, and so is she. Pretty soon she will get to the "it's already done now and the kids have gone through too much transition already", or "the kids are getting used to it, kids are resiliant".
You are doing well with detaching and not rescuing her. This is important. Don't help her with the water problem, don't chit chat to make her feel better, don't bring her things she forgets, etc. I'm not sure how I feel about her coming over when it was your turn to have the kids.....she is upsetting them and she is making herself feel better just to see them....however, it is upsetting her, too, and that is a good thing.
As for B.....h4h, am I going to have to get on a plane and kick your rear end? Stop answering her calls. Does she even know that you love your wife and are trying to be with her? I love how she just happened to "be in the area". Geeeeez. You are still married. Stay away from her. Not to mention that even if you end up divorcing your W, you should NOT jump into that relationship with B. She seems almost vulture-like...sitting on the telephone wire waiting for you to be alone so she can swoop down and pick on the carcass of your freshly dead marriage. I get that you are vunerable, that you are hurting, .....all the reasons that you need to stay away from B.
