For the Guy with Kids and a WW 9

[hopeful4her]

Thank you guys. I have always been level headed. But I swear, if I see him again...3rd strike and he's out.

Pretty uneventful today compared to yesterday. GBG never called or emailed about plans to bring me their stuff. I found out later that she had called D11 and told her that she would bring the girls stuff over to the house later after work. During lunch, I finish D6 school supplies and get a lot of extra stuff to keep at the house for them since GBG took all the fun stuff. All the markers, crayons, paper, barbies, coloring books. I get all that stuff and hit the dollar store for books and more stuff for them.

I get home. Whip us some dinner. D11 playing on the internet most of the night. I watch Freaky Friday with D6.

Before starting dinner, B calls me. Asking if I'm already home or at the office still. She was in the area and had some time for a drink or a bite to eat. Her cousin is baby sitting her daughter for the week. I tell her that I have the kids this week. We talk for a bit. Ask how I am. I ask how her weekend went. Chit chat for about 10 minutes. I kind of end the conversation. Starting dinner.

I feel myself being more willing.

Just after dinner, GBG calls me. She asks about the girls. She says it looks like she might be later than she thought. She came home to water all over the laundry room and kitchen. Flooded, in her words. I don't ask how or why. I just tell her not to worry about coming over. I tell her all the stuff that I have bought. She says that she can bring stuff. She has no mop. Using all her towels. She is tired.

Once again, poetic.

She asks if girls are ok. She asks if we have groceries. She starts to tell me she remembers some stuff in the freezer that I could cook for breakfast. So on and so forth.

WTH? "I have it covered" is all I tell her.

She tries to talk a little but I'm just giving little back. I just let her try.
"Ok, well if they're ok, I'm just going to bed."
"They ARE fine. They still have some clothes and stuff. They'll be fine."
She changes her mind again, "No, I AM going to come over. I want to see them."

She is starting to cry. Slight sobbing. "I'll see you after while."
"Okay." I was pretty chipper.

Three hours later, just as I tell D6 that it looks like she's not showing, she arrives with S14.

Girls are excited. She brought Pup back. He's going crazy. She sits at the dining table with me. Some small talk. She sees the stuff I bought. I ask if she brought anything. Toys. Barbies. "No, they told me they didn't want anything."

She knows I want more of their stuff here. I mention that a friend from work is going to donate her daughters Polly Pocket stuff to D6. She tells me defensively that she will bring more of their stuff tomorrow. I tell her that I guess the girls are okay with what we have here so don't worry about it.

She offers that maybe I can drop the girls at her apartment for the day and them pick them up after work. Keep doing this, since S14 will be at the apartment. She tells D6 that its up to me. I am silent. They are fine here. Thats the second time she has tried to offer this.
She goes to see the puppies outside. Back inside, "The dogs have no food or water." and starts to fill bowls of food and water.
"They did earlier. The girls took care of them today. Besides we feed them late morning."


She comes in after and asks where D11 is. I say she is watching tv in my room. She takes her shoes off and goes to the room. She sits on the bed and watches with her. S14 joins them and so does D6. I stay in dining room and color a book.

After about 15 minutes, she says she is going to leave. D6 tells her she wants her to stay. She says she has to go. Needs some rest. Saying goodbyes, kisses and hugs and a wave to me. She is starting to cry again. She makes the offer for the girls to stay at the apartment for the third time. I tell her that they will be fine here. She tells the girls that she'll be back tomorrow to bring some more of thier stuff. D6 ask if she is crying.
"No, I'm not crying. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

I hope it is hard as hell on her.

At door, she says bye and I tell her to be careful. She is still crying. I close the door as soon as she leaves. Nearly 10 minutes later, D11 notices that she still hasn't left.

Now girls are upset. Not crying but sad.
I get them to bed. D11 sneaks back to my bedroom.
"I can't sleep. I can't sleep because I don't want my parents to live in separate houses."

I tell her that we have to accept what is going on. We may not like it, but we have to accept. I have to move on. I tell her that I hate that we have to go through this. That I would never wish this on them, but mom has made a decision. That I'm not going to be second best to anyone. I HAVE been for too long, I tell her. I admit to her that I AM angry with GBG and that is why I am so quiet around her. That I don't want to fight or argue with her. I don't want to say something wrong. She agrees. She is tearing up. I tell her its okay to cry. She is just really sad. She wants to sleep with me. I tell her she needs to sleep in her bed. Like D6.

I tell her she is getting older, but she took offense to that. She is really sensitive right now. I wanted her to sleep with me so I could hug her to sleep. But I shouldn't, I guess.

I am really up and down about her now. I really feel like I don't want anything to do with her anymore. I hate how she makes me feel. I guess it is me actually . I LET her make me feel a certain way. I'm not showing her, though. She is just seeing me be really detached from her. Unemotional. I can't even look at her. Too hard. I am just angry with her, and I'm not sure if that is good or bad. I have to really try not to show it, but we know each other too well.

I guess I'd rather be angry looking than sad looking to her. I need to get to aloof and upbeat. Running things my way. Like I could care less.

But I do. Thats the problem.