Onward but not so Upward right now

[mishka422]

Oh gees! Wish I could! Weekends are just as bad. They're pretty much the ONLY time I've got to get anything done in the house. Grocery shopping isn't much of an issue since there's no money for that. I told my son tonight to enjoy his last full dinner because I don't know when he's getting another one. He thought I was kidding!

Oh well.......I don't have anything else to do so I may as well play taxi.

[JCJ]

(((Mishka))))

Just stopping by to say hi and hope you are ok.

[mishka422]

Thanks Julia!

I'm ok. Just hanging on by my fingernails. I don't know why my hackles get raised every time I get a text from STBX. My stomach does a flip and I dread reading it because I know it's going to require me communicating with him.

Today he just asked me if s13 had football practice and if he needed to be picked up. I told him that I was picking him up but asked if he could pick him up tomorrow since I had to go to a parent meeting and he would have to sit there with me through it. He said he would and thanked me (for what, I have no idea). He keeps thanking me like I am doing him some sort of favor by "letting" him take care of running his son around. Um....hello! I did mention to him that I spent over $161 this weekend on school supplies and clothes and cleats for s13 and that he could feel free to contribute if he likes. He asked me straight away how much the registration was for school and I told him. He had already given me more than enough toward that so I wasn't being specific with him. I thought I would put the idea out there. I did make sure to let him know that I wasn't expecting him to do contribute but he had asked me to keep him informed of how much everything was so I did.

Oh well, I'm sure I sent some sort of confusing mixed message. Whatever.

I'm waiting to hear back from my L on the revisions I requested to the settlement agreement. I just really want this done so I can get this over with. H is never coming back. I don't want him back like he is now. He has remorse for hurting me but not for destroying our M. He feels that his happiness is all that is important and why should he stay where he isn't "comfortable". WHATEVER!!!

Boy, am I the anti-DB posterchild or what? Only 8 months in and I'm done. What a woos I turned out to be.

[One Day]

((((Mishka))))) Am I noticing a lack of PMA in that last paragraph?!

I'm just trying to think of ways to make the communication between you and H easier, since you're going to be co-parenting for a pretty long time and will have to keep speaking to each other. have you got any ideas along those lines? I'm having a dearth of ideas tonight, but will keep thinking (it's Jeff's fault- he's distracted me with his lab talk!)

L. xx

[mishka422]

Ha! Lab coats at the ready!

Not really a lack of PMA, more a realization that even though it's only been 8 months, H and I are done. I can't think about the would have, should have, could have's. It's pointless and too late for any of that. H has made that clear and I have to make my peace finally with it.

Co-parenting isn't really a problem. He doesn't want to be too involved. Just enough so that he doesn't look like a total a$$. I don't know how to make it easier for me to speak to him. He doesn't ever call me to make these arrangements. He does it all by text. How dumb.

I get flustered when I do talk to him but I usually manage to hold it together. He is so smug about his new life being so great. He has no responsibilities, the broom apparently is "so great" and "not a bad person at all". Whatever. I get so mad just thinking about it.

Ok.....don't want to talk about it anymore. Tempted to erase this post but decided I'd let it fly just to get it out.

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((((((Mishka))))))))))

Time isn't a measure of much! When it is time you know it, and you know it!

So, lets take care of you, because you are worth it!

[MichelleLT]

What exactly bothers you about communicating by text? Because it's less personal? More time-consuming?

On the flip side, be grateful he is being better about communicating with you about co-parenting.

And don't dwell over why he's saying thanks. Just enjoy it.

If you're done, you're done. That's fine. You tried.

(((Mishka)))

[mishka422]

Text is just so impersonal. You would think he could give me the courtesy of a phone call when it is in regards to our son. Irritating!

I'm not dwelling on why he does or says anything he does. He's SO not my problem anymore. She can have him!

Yeah, I'm done. Done is done but I still feel like a failure. I can't explain that at all but it's just how I feel. I don't believe there is anything else I could have done since I had no idea about how he was feeling until it was already too late in his eyes.

Oh well.....life continues. I don't have any idea what it's going to be or how I'm going to financially survive but I'll find a way. Any lucrative street corners around any of you? Just a thought! Not that anyone would be paying me for that!!!!!!!!!!!

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((((((Mishka))))))))))

I understand how it can feel like a failure. I have the same fear. I hope that in time we realize that we didn't fail, we did our best, maybe even more than our best, and it just didn't work out. I still think you are going to find you place (and not a street corner!) Good things happen to good people, when they least expect it!

[One Day]

((((Mishka)))))

What Jeff said. You tried, and you're done. I think that's fine and good.

L. xx