I've been lurking your thread for a little while recently. I'm newly separated since the 1st. I'm been over in Infidelity for a while and its hard to leave my friends.
And I like the name, btw.
Don't read too much into her response. Remember that everything we do or say gets taken wrong.
You should have mentioned long ago that you too, wanted to know where the kids are if going out of town.
But then you would have been made out to be checking in on her. Can't win for losing.
I think she kept her response purposely light. She didn't have to give you the "Hope you are having fun...."
Stay strong and have fun with the kiddo's. I'm not really here to give much advice. I'M the one that really needs it. I just thought the email exchange wasn't too bad.
And your right. As far as R talk, she don't want to go there.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I didnt really like her message too much. very detached and very unpersonal. I just dont understand how she can be this way, no emotional connection with me at all.
This is going to be a tough stretch. I drop off the kids Sunday night. I think I'll put on my wedding ring just because. I am going to be out of town the entire next week for work and she is going to have the kids. I doubt she and I will connect, but I will call for the kids when I can. Were just not making any progress between us. No communication really and she certainly is not interested no will discuss 'us'.
I will be back for the following weekend. It appears she is taking the kids on a plane for the weekend. She has responsibility for one dog, one puppy, and one rabbit. Wonder what she is doing with those while she is gone. I do not want to be the designated sitter for her and her vacations. I take the animals with me when I take the kids someplace. I think I wrote earlier that she asked me to come down one time and take care of her lawn for her. I just think she thinks this D thing is going to be all hunky dory and everything will be just perfect. All I know is if we get to that point, which it looks like we are certainly speeding that way, things will be much different after that point. It wont be all hunky dory.
I'm trying to make sure this separation isn't all hunky dory. I have detached from her. It is the hardest thing. No real communication between us as well. I hate it. But it is a 180 for me to be this way. I have tried EVERYTHING else. I keep wanting to invite them to the house for dinner or something. She actually invited me to stay for dinner last week sometime when I was visiting the kids, but I declined it. I was trying to be strong for myself. She can now tell that I am uncomfortable at her apartment while she is there.
Especially since I think that OM is funding her to buy all her new sh*t.
I can't control that. We are going to split time with our kids. Hopefully having the time without the girls will make her think a bit, but who knows.
And don't animal sit for her.
I know it sucks when it feels like we're having to play games with them, doesn't it? Trying to make them see us.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
One common topic on these boards is to try to be the best friend you can to your WAS....
I am finding that very difficult. For one, with little interest or communication from the WAW squad, it's tough to be one of their best friends. The second aspect is WAW seems to push everything with the kids to her advantage, always pushing for a little more whether with me or through her L.
However, I have heard from W that she does want to be friends. But the intentions are only 'so we can deal with the kids better'. To me, that's not the reason I want to be friends. I feel like I'm dealing with one of my kids friends parents. I guess it's friendly like that. You may not know them very well, wouldnt tell them much personal, yet you are very friendly. I'm a person with a smaller core of very good friends. These are what I would consider 'friends'.
So, question is, how do you become their 'friend' if she has stated we 'werent best friends', 'I couldnt tell you everything', and we are really not communicating much right now?
yesterday was the last of about 10 straight days I had with my kids. I was leaving to drop them off at W's and my kids were saying, 'no dad, we dont have to go yet, we have 5 more minutes'. I guess they are figuring this out too.
Before they left, I reviewed with them all the great things we did over 10 days. We had a great discussion about it. We were very busy and I think my kids had a great time with me. Makes me feel really good. I have developed a special bond with my kids thats for sure.
We had driven 4+ hrs home from our weekend away. Right after I dropped them off, W took them on another car ride for 3+ hours. Not sure if thats really fair to the kids. As you read back through my thread, you will notice my W was accusing me of 'competing' with the kids, and she was upset that I had not informed her that I took the kids out of town.
We'll....guess what. I knew she had left town with the kids, but she never let me know. So this morning I sent her a 'good morning' text before I had to leave on a work trip. 4 hrs later, I got a reply...." HI..the kids said they had a lot of fun with you (they must have also reviewed our time together), we will be back on Wed and leave again on Thu, have a good week".....hate to say it, but she doesnt play by her own needs or rules. I replied with a 'home from where, where else are you going and when do you get back'...all I got was a were in 'xxx' and were going to visit my friend this weekend.
she's so detached from me its not funny anymore. She just tries to make it as short a communication as possible and bat me away. It pisses me off to see her so selfish that she cannot even see it. To pound on me for info when I leave, then for her to leave and just treat me like I dont exist pisses me off bigtime. OK...that's my rant.
Tostada my 2 cents for what it is worth. To me you sound needy and are pursuing. i don't know if your W senses it but i have a hunch she does. Where do you go from here? GAL, go dark and let her go......whatever you are doing is not working. Try something new. You have every right to be pissed. The next time she gets on you for not telling her where you and the kids are going, simply tell her that you expect the same from her. SELFISH....you are right....the only thing you can do is wait till she comes back to being her old self. If and when she does is another question. My sense from your posts is you are definately not detached. Good luck....please try to take care of yourself for a while. If you are in this for the long run, PATIENCE .....my friend.
W had kids the past 8 days. She never once let me know what she was doing with the kids even though she demanded that from me the week prior.
Even before the week I took the kids, she had made some effort to 'be friends'. This involved going out to dinner with the kids. She would not go out by herself with me because she didnt want to send the wrong message. But, I guess it's ok for her to send the 'wrong message' to her kids by portrayng everything is hunky dory if we go out as a family. Strange logic.
I'm posting because I want to journal more of her selfishness. I dont want anyone to think I havent been GAL and I have not been focused on W at all the past two weeks. We havent talked for two weeks. I have been taking care of myself and focusing on myself. No Texts, emails, or calls to her.
Before I get to that, I have been very busy while the kids were gone. I was away on business for 4 days and was very busy with friends this weekend. I have had zero contact with my W until a text from her yesterday that she would be dropping of the kids a little late. She is always late dropping them off, so I just replied that I was used to this. I feel being late is a very selfish act and shows tremendous lack of respect.
So, for the week, she took the kids out of town to a cabin on a lake for M, T, and W. Thur she flew to another town to see a friend of hers. My son did not want to go, so he stayed at the cabin with gpa n gma. Daughter flew on plane with W. Dogs stayed at her house and she had a neighbor friend come by and feed them. they stayed in the house the entire time and crapped all over. Its tough to leave two big dogs in the house all day and night by themselves. One of the dogs goes back and forth between our homes on the same schedule as the kids. She never asked me to watch the dogs for her for the weekend.
I find it incredibly selfish that she whipped over to see one of her friends on the week she has the kids. We each get the kids for one entire week during the summer, and to leave our son behind is amazing to me. She never does anything alone with the kids and it's always under the 'cover' of being with her friends, and the kids tag along.
I also find it amazing that she didnt offer for our son to come back and stay with me this past weekend. That really blows me away. And to leave the dogs in the house all weekend speaks volumes that she did not want me to know what they were doing this weekend. Maybe she does have some guilt on her behavior.
Do you have a parenting plan in writing? One thing in our plan is if the parent who has the children cant take care of the kids for a period that exceeds a certain time, then they must notify the other parent and give them the first chance to take care of the kids.
There is not much you can do with your W's selfishness. I imagine her behavior probably helps you in losing loving feelings for her. She does not sound like much of a "catch" right now.
had a little bit of action last night. my son was in terrible pain in his back and I took him to the er. turns out he has a kidney stone. called W about it while we were there. told her everything was ok, he was drugged up and what the situation was. she kept asking me if she should come down or not. I never asked her to or led her on that way, just gave her the info to let her decide. She never came down to see her son on a hospital bed writhing in pain. She knew he was in pain because she could hear him over the phone. I talked to her later in the night and she sounded like she had a couple bottles of wine. Maybe thats why she didnt come down. I ended up having to take him down a second time in the middle of the night.
She called this morning at 7:45, woke us both up. She wanted to know if she could come over and see him. I said sure. She came over. First time she has been in the house since she left.
When she was leaving, we talked about his condition etc. We also got into a discussion about this prior weekend when she left him behind. It's obviously bothering her because she tried bringing it up last night on the phone when I was at the ER. I told her I didnt want to talk about it then. The summary is she had the kids for her one week this summer and left him behind for a 3 day weekend so she could go see her friend. I felt if she was leaving him behind, he should have come home to be with me. She said he made the decision to stay there. The reason he did was because he didnt think I was home last weekend. He didnt have any other options. He didnt want to go with her, what else is he supposed to do? If he knew I was home, he would have come home. The option wasnt presented to him. W trying to defend herself profusely on this issue, "dont make me the bad guy on this". She's never at fault for anything. She has the kids for her week and bails on her son. Anyway, she said I could have the kids anytime and we shouldnt be arguing about stuff like this. I simply answered that we shouldnt be arguing about it either, we should be married.
How is your son doing now? I have heard that passing kidney stones is some of the most excruciating pain one can experience. Poor little guy.
When the kids are with your W, dont they call you each day? Maybe you can arrange something with your W so that you can call to talk with the kids each day. My W has the kids use her cell phone to call me daily and when they are with me I let them call her at least once a day. They really like dialing the phone.
I dont think it is a good idea to point out to your W that she is being neglectful as a mother. She will always try to defend herself.
