Hi Julia, I guess I'm not understanding your question. Are you asking if I backed off to try and make W happy and for the same reason I don't want to stand in her way or say no? The answer to that is yes. For the better part of 18 years, anytime I felt that our R might be threatened, I rolled over and capitulated.
I can remember many times W trying to get me to not be so clinging and needy, but, I could not do it. Before we were married, she tried to break things off a couple of times, but, I pursued her and at the time, I treated her much better than any man had to that point. Now, she sees me through the lens of my failures and it has been a long long time since she has had a negative reference experience from another man
These days, compared to most women her age, she is very attractive and in shape and gets attention appropriate to that reality. When she was 23, she was just another pretty face and didn't get nearly the same attention. So, she gets nothing but positive attention.
I'm growing up and I'm not willing to roll over and accept responsibility for everything especially when I can now see that W has that amazing ability to reframe every interaction and thing that she does so that it is either justified, not really a problem, or my fault. I'm completely clueless how this particular dynamic is going to work itself out. But, I'm going to DB myself into the man I want to be and see if that draws her back. If not, I will move on.
