What Lola said! He knows you are committed, right now he needs the space. You want to look confident and strong. Like someone he would want to be with. Lots of people have tried what you suggested, the results are almost never pretty!
Thanks guys...This is just so hard sometimes. I actually haven't had any contact with H since Thursday night. I think this is longest we've ever gone with no contact what so ever. I'm trying to stay away as much as possible, I hope that is a good idea.
M: 25, H: 29 T: 4 years M: 11 months Bomb (ILYBNILWY): 7/11/08 Found out about OW: 7/12/08 Seperated but living together
What Lola said! He knows you are committed, right now he needs the space. You want to look confident and strong. Like someone he would want to be with. Lots of people have tried what you suggested, the results are almost never pretty!
GUILTY WITH A CAPITAL "G". Trust me, it didn't work. Last night was the first time I told him that I knew and accepted that he did not see a future for us. He does not see the future, but I do. Just like your H can't tell you how you feel, remember, you can't tell him how he feels either. I have done this for 10 months, so trust me when I say I know what I am talking about.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I have started thinking more about myself and haven't let myself think about H or the OW. I have been surprised at how much calmer I have been.
I had a very nice night Sunday night. Had dinner with my friend after work and then we went to a late movie. Monday morning we did a little bit of shopping and had a very good lunch at a new restaurant around here. Afterwards I didn't quite feel like going home yet so I went to a park near here and started reading the five love languages. It was over all a great day.
When I got home around 6:30 H was just making some dinner and we sat and ate dinner together. It was the first I had seen of him in 5 days. Then he informed me about our shower being broken and we sat in the bathroom for a couple hours together trying to fix that darn faucet. It felt nice being so close. He kept calling me "babe" too, like "hey babe will you hand me that tool", etc. It was nice to hear but I realize that it was probably only because it is what he is used to calling me.
Well anyway, we had been talking about how I may or may not go to the white sox game tonight, which my friend had an extra ticket for. I didn't end up going because I got stuck at work but around the start of the game I got a text from H that merely said "Are you going to go to the game tonight?" It was the first text I have gotten from him in weeks.
I got home around 8:00 tonight but had stuff to do so I didn't actually sit down with him until around 10:00 and at 10:30 he went to bed. There wasn't too much conversation but it was at least some what pleasant.
I have been trying to act like he is just a friend and nothing more but sometimes those lines can become confusing. Like if I want to touch him or kiss him should I go up to him and do it or should I just stay backed off?
Things seem to be improving but I am also getting to this point where I am caring less and less about things and that scares me.
M: 25, H: 29 T: 4 years M: 11 months Bomb (ILYBNILWY): 7/11/08 Found out about OW: 7/12/08 Seperated but living together
I would just back off for now. It is hard, and I can so empathize with you. But remember, baby steps. For now, just continue to view him as a friend. It seems like you have having a peaceful co-existence. I know this sitch must be tearing you up inside, but remember, think "what is my goal here?" And then act accordingly. Don't panic, and if you do feel yourself panicking, take yourself out of the present sitch and breath.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
So...I think I am just done. Today has been the worst day in a long time and all I can think about is the fact that our one year wedding anniversary is 2 weeks away. Not only has he ruined that but he has also ruined this pregnancy for me...something that should be one of the best things to ever happen to me. This should be a happy time, our anniversary and our first child but it's not.
I had such a good few days and now today for the first time in days I want to break down and cry like I've never cried before. I did what I have been so good at avoiding and looked at the phone bill today because the bill was over $300. He talks to the OW every day and night for hours and if that isn't bad enough they text like it is going out of style. Then he stays up with her on the weekends.
How can a man who just 2 months ago was telling me I was the best thing that ever happend to him and he loved me more than anything now be doing this to me?
This is killing me, I just don't have the energy for this anymore. Why fight for someone who doesn't seem to care for you at all aymore?
I'm thinking about just moving out of our house.
M: 25, H: 29 T: 4 years M: 11 months Bomb (ILYBNILWY): 7/11/08 Found out about OW: 7/12/08 Seperated but living together
I have been trying to have as little contact as possible with H since last post and remain upbeat in his presence and GAL. It seems like the more I avoid him and GAL and everything the more he gets upset and pushes for D even more. He put the house up for sale this week and keeps asking me for money to do things like paint the outside of the house so it will sell easier. He even made threats in a text that if I don't pay him now he will just sue me in the divorce and the courts will make me pay half of everything I didn't pay for. I laughed and never responded to his text.
Last night we talked on the phone (I was out of town last night). And he was telling me he was going to cancel my phone me and getting angry with me. I remained calm. Then he said "even though the court won't grant a divorce while you are pregnant I just want you know I am at least filing this week...I want this final as quick as posible" I responded with "ok, me too". Then he made an extrememly hurtful comment, he basically told me that he was hoping I would lose the baby sometime soon so this can get over with faster. I still managed to remain calm and merely said "ok, is that all you needed because I am in the middle of something" then hung up.
I had a 3.5 hour drive home and I cried almost the entire time. I haven't cried since my last post. I feel so sad right now and a lot of that is sadness for him not me. What has happened to this man who used to be so loving, considerate, and caring? He doesn't even want to have anything to do with his baby. How must he be feeling inside to make such hurtful comments or even have such thoughts? I pray that he finds himself before he hits rock bottom because he is losing all of the people around him (friends and family) very quickly. I want him to be happy, even if I'm the one who can't do that for him. Should I tell him I still love him and want to work on M? Or just let it be? What's done is done I guess.
I feel so exhausted and so lost right now. I'm looking for apartments this weekend. I want out of that house.
M: 25, H: 29 T: 4 years M: 11 months Bomb (ILYBNILWY): 7/11/08 Found out about OW: 7/12/08 Seperated but living together
Hi Niki...sorry did not get back to you sooner. Wanted to check and see how you are doing? Your H made some very harsh comments, but remember it is in the heat of the moment. But still wanted to check and see how you were feeling?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
