You have touched on many issues with which I am now dealing.

I've been looking at X as "ill", which has allowed me to be there for her and love her unconditionally. The problem is that leaves me vunerable as I hope from time to time that she will "get well", quite often trigered by seeing what I believe are improvements in her condition.

We are going to have contact because of the kids. I often think it would be easier if we had no contact at all.

Maybe what is needed is to think of her as "gone."

"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.