D17: You mean Michael? I think he's gay, he sure looks like it. He wasn't there but mom told me you went down there and accused her of having him as her boyfriend.
What the heck, Frank? You know better than to pump the kid for information, I don't care if she IS 17 years old - it's not right. Don't do that to her anymore!
And just my opinion but it doesn't matter of the guy is a tap-dancing-rainbow-flag-wearing homosexual - she's involved (or getting involved) with him emotionally when the number one person in her life that she's emotionally connected to should be her husband - and since it's not, she should get the flip out of your house for good. It is a betrayal regardless of the fact she has said she wants out of the marriage and it is ridiculous of her to think she can have those types of relationships and still live under your roof and eat at your dinner table.
Perhaps I'm wrong to take the position I am taking regarding your sitch but thinking along the lines that she's MLC - which we have been assuming - consequences and repercussions are important. Sheltering and coddling have the exact opposite effect in that she's not going to love you for your loyalty and compassion. She's NOT terminally ill. She's deluded - that's what MLC DOES to a person. HOWEVER, shielding her from the consequences do nothing but strengthen the delusions in the end. Because think about it - if the person is wrong, someone somewhere ought to have the balls to say so, wouldn't you think? - or to allow natural circumstances to occur. If no one does that, the MLCer has nothing telling them what they're doing is wrong. Her father and stepmother tell you she's out of her tree but how honest are they really with her? Also, your occasional pissy attitudes don't do a thing, Frank.
I agree, it is betrayal. I spent some time thinking last night that had she spent this 'quality time' with ME when I was falling apart then maybe we wouldn't be in this mess. Instead she joins the band boosters, insuring she won't be around on weekends. She doesn't work to help out, and she avoided me when I WAS drinking.
Now, she is betraying me again. Betrayal, abandonment, selfishness has been her pattern.
I get it. Most of my hurt is because I haven't been able to come to terms with the fact that the person I chose to love over all others can do this to me. Well she can.
And yes, there are consequences. And I won't protect her from them. I'm gone now. She is dead in my life.
She came by this morning, I think because today is the first day of Band Camp for D17 and she wanted to 'help her get going' and give her a ride to school.
I was up also having some cereal. She said a quiet 'good morning' to me and mostly talked to D17. At one point we were both in the kitchen, I was eating and she just stood on the other side and said nothing.
When they left, D17 said goodbye and W said nothing.
Other than to post weird or interesting events, I'm not going to talk about her any more. It takes too much energy and she's betrayed me again. The woman I loved is dead. This new person is a stranger and I don't like her very much.
"This new person is a stranger and I don't like her very much."
How familiar. One of X's friends said about a year ago, "I don't who ____ is anymore. I don't even know if I like her."
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
I guess it's really a moot point. She's happy to spend time with her friends, male or female, and not with me. The kids have adjusted to 'going to moms place' and are moving on with their lives. I'm the only one who gets stuck.
Yeah, she done a lot of weird things in the past few months and I get sucked into it and get hurt over and over. Sometimes I resent that I'm here trying to dig us out of the mess, and she's just shut out all the problems and left them on my doorstep.
But that's who she is. I miss the woman I loved. I'm grieving and moving forward.
You have touched on many issues with which I am now dealing.
I've been looking at X as "ill", which has allowed me to be there for her and love her unconditionally. The problem is that leaves me vunerable as I hope from time to time that she will "get well", quite often trigered by seeing what I believe are improvements in her condition.
We are going to have contact because of the kids. I often think it would be easier if we had no contact at all.
Maybe what is needed is to think of her as "gone."
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
You have touched on many issues with which I am now dealing.
I've been looking at X as "ill", which has allowed me to be there for her and love her unconditionally. The problem is that leaves me vunerable as I hope from time to time that she will "get well", quite often trigered by seeing what I believe are improvements in her condition.
We are going to have contact because of the kids. I often think it would be easier if we had no contact at all.
Maybe what is needed is to think of her as "gone."
I agree, I am seeing her as gone on a journey. She's searching for something, something I can't just 'give' her. I don't know if she'll ever come back from the journey, maybe it'll never end.
I do know that all I can do is make it so she doesn't want to come back. By not letting her go, by not holding her accountable for her choices. She's gone and yes, she has betrayed my trust and many other things between us.
But in my 'heart of hearts' I truly believe God brought us together for a reason, that there is a connection between us that will just never go away. If I can't just ignore it then well, neither can she. So she runs away from it.
All of the very strange behaviors she's had over the past 7 months while living in the house keep saying she's not 'done'. Being out of the house, spending time talking to someone else about life and stuff helps her to run a little farther.
I cannot help but wonder if in my case, and in your case, the OM is actually helping because he is showing her what she will lose when she doesn't have you any more.
I am 100% convinced that as long as I hold on to her, even with a thread, I am helping her to feel like her decisions are 'ok'.
It's time to chase after the life I want, the good one. And to let W out of my head for now. She'll always be in my heart, but it's my head that is getting me in trouble, just like it's getting her in trouble because she is ignoring her heart.
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."
The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"
Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."
If you could forgive her for her nature, then it wouldn't matter that she was uanble to help you those past years.
I know that I am unable, and unwilling to go through this again for my wife should there be another crisis for her. Sorry, that's a fact.
I love my wife despite the problems of her nature, I expect them, rather than be surprised or upset by it. It is part and parcel of the package.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Frank..thanks for your hospitality. We had fun after I got frank out of jail for loitering outside the Playboy Mansion..only to find himself pulled over by LAPD for driving while standing up and drinking champagne (no..I was not in the car at the time).
Only kidding..but frank DOES know good Mongolian food when he finds it.
Frank....stop the pain. She's destroying your spirit. Don't let that happen. SHE should be wondering whose car is in front of YOUR house.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
