I am recovering from co-dependence and go to AlAnon (I'm an adult child of an alcoholic). There are many groups based on the original 12 steps, so it might be worth looking into, either to go to a group or just read. Melodie Beattie is one of the top authors.
Hi Tal, I have seen you around too. Nice to "meet" you
Sara, I kind of dismissed the co-dependent thing too. I guess I thought it always had to do with drugs, alcohol, or abuse. After reading up on it, I don't think that is the case. The more I read about it the more I believe that is what we had.
Michelle, I will have to find the place I took the quiz again. I'll let you know.
Donna, I don't know that we have any groups around here since it is such a small town but I will definitely look into the author you mentioned. Xh is an adult child of an alcoholic. I am not sure where my "need to please others" comes in, but I do know that I always tried extra hard to please my parents due to the way my brother was. He gave them a very hard time growing up (and even now) and I wanted to put the least amount of stress as possible on them. I became very independent and never did anything to upset them and went out of my way to make things easier on them. Maybe that is where it stems from.
Thanks GF, life actually does feel good right now. I have to remind myself that it is ok to be happy.
Last night I went to dinner. My lawyer was there and he told me the D was final as of yesterday and I would be receiving everything in the mail in a few days. The guy that I have a date with was there and he insisted on buying my dinner and drinks....so, what's a girl to do?
My mom talked to me last night and asked me to stay at her house for a while instead of getting an apartment. She is right, we don't fight and neither one of us are there very much. Sometimes I just need my own space. She wants me to stay so I can save more money. I am going to think about it.
Michelle, here are the questions I was looking at.
Do you have a hard time saying no to others, even when you are very busy, financially broke, or completely exhausted? yes Are you always sacrificing your own needs for everyone else?yes Do you feel more worthy as a human being because you have taken on a helping role? yes If you stopped helping your friends, would you feel guilty or worthless? yes Would you know how to be in a friendship that doesn't revolve around you being the "helper"? Probably not If your friends eventually didn't need your help, would you still be friends with them? Or would you look around for someone else to help? no Do you feel resentful when others are not grateful enough to you for your efforts at rescuing them or fixing their lives? yes Do you sometimes feel like more of a social worker than a friend in your relationships? yes Do you feel uncomfortable receiving help from other people? Is the role of helping others a much more natural role for you to play in your relationships? yes Does it seem as if many of your friends have particularly chaotic lives, with one crisis after another? yes Did you grow up in a family that had a lot of emotional chaos or addiction problems? Just from my brother Are many of your friends addicts, or do they have serious emotional and social problems? no As you were growing up, did you think it was up to you to keep the family functioning? YES As an adult, is it important for you to be thought of as the "dependable one"? YES
And here are the red flags I read about: Do you become obsessed with fixing and rescuing needy people? YES Are you easily absorbed in the pain and problems of other people? YES Are you trying to control someone? Is someone trying to control you? YES Do you do more than your share -- all of the time?YES Are you always seeking approval and recognition? YES Would you do anything to hold on to a relationship? Do you fear being abandoned? YES
So, the mortgage was paid today...so that's it. Done deal. Plus I got paid today...and don't have to pay the normal bills for the house...*Kris doing happy dance*!
I have that wedding tonight....and that date . Actually, I think I mentioned that this guy has been my running partner for the past few weeks. Last night he called and said he had to work late, so he wasn't going to be able to run....but asked if I wanted to go to dinner instead when he got off work. So I went, we had a really good time.
Oh yeah, on the apartment situation. I went by yesterday and the girl in the office didn't know if they had any left...ummm..I would think that would be the main thing she would know, but whatever. Anyway, she said there is another set that will be ready in January. I was thinking I may just get one of those, that way I can stay at my mom's for a few month's with no bills and pay off my car. That would probably be the smart thing to do....although I am very anxious to be on my own.
I had a really great time at the wedding. They are much more fun to go to when you aren't IN them. I saw people that I hadn't seen in 5 or 6 years. I kept waiting on people to ask if my date was my H since most of them probably don't know I am divorced. Only 1 person did, but it wasn't a big deal.
I feel like I didn't slow down all weekend. Now I am so tired this morning.
I got the D papers in the mail Saturday...so it is official. Not sure if XH has gotten his yet. I sent him an email about car insurance about a week ago and haven't heard back from him. So frustrating. Not sure what to do about that. I don't want to cancel it since my name is on it also.
I sent him an email about car insurance about a week ago and haven't heard back from him. So frustrating. Not sure what to do about that. I don't want to cancel it since my name is on it also.
hey Kris, can't you just drop your car off the policy, leave his as is and go get your own??
Congrats that all that is now off you and you can move on. it will get better. You can make it better.
. Actually, I think I mentioned that this guy has been my running partner for the past few weeks. Last night he called and said he had to work late, so he wasn't going to be able to run....but asked if I wanted to go to dinner instead when he got off work. So I went, we had a really good time. 