I'm trying to be smart... trying to play it safe... but the truth is I have reached the point now where I am very attached to seeing my wife again and I dread the possibility of all this being simply illusionary.
We aren't divorced.
After the 'BIG' split at the very beginning of the year the subject of divorce was a regular one. She would tell me she had been to seek advice and I could expect the papers within days etc. I would say the same in return.
Somehow... it just hasn't happened. I guess legally we are still married but seperated.
She talked about her reasons for being unsatisfied during the initial split and for some time afterwards. Basically, she felt that, due to her having been the primary source of financial stability in the home for quite some time, and due to my lack of motivation to assist with that aspect of things, she had grown to resent the marriage.
She also mentioned that I had ceased to make her feel loved. That conversation had turned 'boring' and that I was more interested in my own interests than her anymore.
The first point she made, regarding finances, is unfortunately very true. I accepted full responsibility for that. I WAS working towards a degree, which I attained, but the bottom line is she WAS left alone to sort the finances out for too long.
The second point seems a little more vague to me. I accept that things weren't at their best, but I also feel she wasn't trying with me as much as she could have done. I would argue that is evident in her decision to start becoming emotionally attached to another person (and then visiting them)
Since the seperation I have worked ALOT. I have a steady, full-time job and am doing very, very well in my position. I have also become much more active and spontaneous. I am also physically very fit for the first time in a while... I get to the gym at least three times a week.
She phoned me this morning. Weird. Just a random call asking how it went at work etc. Really nice.
Thing is... I KNOW she talked to her OM also last night. I know, as far as he is concerned, everything is fine. All despite the fact we have been meeting and enjoying ourselves for over four weeks.
It's really tough. I just can't understand how she can't see that, if we can meet and enjoy each other's company like this... WHY CONTINUE this relationship with a man thousands of miles away?
