So she did what society dictates a good wife should do... and F8cking you til the cows come home is not what good wives do when their hubbys bahave badly.
This goes against what we as women are taught... if she does this then she is somehow a doormat,,,,,, Counseling is very necessary. I think it will help her to see you love her and want her to be happy too.
Yes I think in the back of her mind that she knows I cheated. Why did I lower myself and do that (the A) to her rather than work on this back then?
The point is, we never worked through that in MC. By not working through the A when we reconciled, it was just this big ugly wound with a big band-aid on it, festering. It was never going to heal that way. Then today I opened the wound again and it will take the MC digging around in there to clean it out. It was inevitable, we had to do this or keep going on in a broken marital state like we've been in for the last 4 years.
I just pray that she will take this seriously this time and realize that we have to do this to make things right between us again. I do love her, she has to see this as an act of love for her, I keep telling her this is for us and also our daughter.
it was just this big ugly wound with a big band-aid on it, festering. It was never going to heal that way. Then today I opened the wound again and it will take the MC digging around in there to clean it out
absolutely agree.... I pray she goes with you and she heals. It hurts like hell and the hardest part is to forgive yourslef for loving someone who would betray you. I dont even know if I have forgiven myself for loving him after he cheated or I just put the band aid on it too? To be honest....
Dont beat yourself up.... just letting you know how she probably feels. I thought the Earth was going to open up and swallow me whole when MY Hubby cheated....A pain I had never felt before in my LIFE!
I'm sorry that you are online tonight with your troubles but at the same time I'm grateful you were here to lend an ear... I guess we are here supporting each other tonight. It will help me sleep a little bit better after having a little typing time with a friend. I hope you are feeling a little better too.
Right before I was about to get in bed, she came home. All I did last night was hug her and say that I was sorry. She said she came home so that she could take D to early morning marching practice. I think she just finally cooled off. Either way I'm glad she did come home. I did sleep well with her beside me.
This morning I kissed her goodbye as I left for work and told her "I love you." She said to say it only if I mean it. I said, "I do mean it."
See she is hurting.... she is still unsure you really love her..... I say those things to hubby too. I am excited for you.... blessings are in store if you just keep loving her this way. ~Ali
I am trying so hard to show her my love. She only needs to let me in to see it.
Ok, first session with MC is this Thursday. The MC wanted to just see only me this first time since W has a reluctance to participate. It’s a first step towards healing.
Hi Cinco...I am glad that you are tackling this very difficult but important issue with your wife.
Please - just one thing I want to point out to you after reading about the "blow up" etc - - you really must be prepared for everything to get way worse before it gets better. There may be a full-on separation before this thing is done. Once you both start working through all the issues, and the old pains and then the A's...you will see that her leaving for one night is just the tip of the iceburg.
But try very very hard not to be afraid of all of that, ok? Realize that it really will take all that pain in order to move through it all. And also, keep focused on this fact: the pain you endure to try to fix this will be NOTHING like the pain of a divorce. So no matter what it costs you, GO THROUGH IT and remain strong.
And one more thing...I know you feel really bad and you hate hurting your wife, you love her, and when she gets her feelings hurt and tries to run away, you have a tendancy to want to drop it for now so that you won't have to see her in pain. But here is what I want to say about that - - don't give in to it. I know it will hurt her, but please dont' treat her like a hurt child.
Don't treat her like she has done this to you on purpose either, of course, because she hasn't. But DO treat her like she is responsible for her half of the marriage. In her view, this may feel to her like she is being beat up...but as long as you know in your heart that you are just being honest, not beating her up, eventually she will see the truth in that and she will stop trying to run away. Once it "sinks in" to her that she cannot avoid this process without losing you, she will get on board.
Stay strong and kind and loving...but do not divert responsibility for her, ok???
Hey DQ, glad to see you back... sounds like you had an awesome vacation *green with envy*.
It was very hard for me to talk to her to get the ball rolling on counseling. I was scared to mention it because I knew it would create tension and end in a fight. At the same time I knew it was the only way through to resolving our problems. I really have put this off far too long, but now I have the courage to carry this through. I had to begin with the changes in myself first and then I could work towards the changes for our relationship.
I forgot to mention that I did ask for her half of the help to work with me on this. I will hold her responsible for her part. I think she is upset my unwillingness to put our marriage on hold until D is out of college and on her own (6+ years from now).
Thanks to you, Ali, Baggy, Bear and most of all God, I have turned myself around to face my marriage again and to do what is right to get through this.
I hope you are feeling a little better too.
