I am so happy for you. YOU are opening your eyes to all the possibilitities. And yes you know if my husband showed some more effort in making it special or doing things I liked too it would make it phenomenal. he forgets the little things sometimes...
I am so happy you found someone. I hope you do like him and you are off to a new start in your sexual crusade.
May I add. I think after reading PM you will see what you are missing. Or rather where your strengths and weaknesses are.
My H would have never gone to a sex therapist. Everything is after all my fault.
For instance you will read this in Pm some where.....
My H always wants for me to come first. I spoke of this before. I want to enjoy the journey if I come great and if I dont great too. For me he kills it when he is pushing for me to come. he says he does it b/c he is thinking of me and the book says when he does it. This is actually selfish. Cant rememeber why but I always felt this way too. Like hurry up and come lady so we can get on with this! oops hubby is home
I'm feeling a little better this morning. Good news and bad news. Found out that menopause is not quite here yet. Her withdrawn mood the past week was PMS, she just started another period. For her perimenopause has been crazy. Periods every other month and when they do happen sometimes very long and heavy, as long as 2 weeks... also some hellacious mood swings to boot. It had been more than 2 months since the last one so I was thinking that was the last one.
Get ready ladies this is not a fun thing to go through... for the guy or the gal.
Anyway it makes it so much easier to accept when there is a physical reason for a pause in the romance.
I am glad you found the book a helpful one and I didn't find it a complete waste of time, just didn't find it as useful as some others, that's all. The concept of "The Symphony of Marriage" is one that has stuck with me and I guess, if you can learn one really good thing from a book, it is probably worth it.
The "granola" concept is similar to when I was a kid we would have referred to as a hippy. As I thought about it, this was from hearing his delivery on the cd, which reminds me of the delivery a lot of professors had of mine, very gentle and almost overly relaxed.
Again, glad you found the book helpful and hopefully it helps others as well, it just wasn't as helpful as some others for me.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
The concept of "The Symphony of Marriage" is one that has stuck with me and I guess, if you can learn one really good thing from a book, it is probably worth it.
I dont remember this? Can you elaborate on my thread? ~Ali
I'm not sure if I want a counselor that doesn't return his calls. I still haven’t heard back from him about setting up a time. I can't wait forever for that guy so I'm going to talk to the counselor here at work today and maybe I can get a referral from him. I really need someone that is a MC combo sex therapist.
Into ch. 2 reading PM. It's not light reading but I like what I've read so far. It's gets you thinking in different ways about how you relate to others in your life. Here's something funny... the author looks like my next-door neighbor, if he had a beard. When I'm reading I imagine my neighbor's voice whenever there is dialog from one of author's sessions.
I just got back from talking with the freebie-C here. I gave him kind of a quick run down of were we've been, were we are now and what I've been doing lately to turn things around. He gave me a referral to a woman MC he knows who he thought would help given our history. He and I agreed a woman would work better for my wife (if I can get her to go). I have a good feeling about getting this started.
Sunday morning I sat down to ask her if she would go to counseling with me. She did agree to go but said she would want to see the counselor alone at first. It really made her mad at the idea that this is even needed and then said things showing that we do need the help.
"You always dangle the threat of leaving over my head."
"I feel like I can't trust you."
"I don't think that there I anything wrong."
"Whatever I do, it is never enough."
I just want her to understand that I don't want for it to feel forced from her. We never really resolved our problems after we reconciled 6 years ago. We do need help to move past this impasse. I'll talk to the MC about what she thinks about individual vs. going as a couple at least for the first session.
3 hours after R talk she had been stewing and then finally blew her stack. Things have been bottled up in her for so long I should have seen this coming. She hit me in the arm (like being frogged) then trew the laundry basket at me.
"I fell so betrayed, you went behind my back to get a MC!"
"I don't feel like I did when we were young and first together."
I said, I just want you to understand that I for us to make each other first in our life together. Please read chapter 1 of SSM again.
"I haven't had time to read it."
"I'll quit all my outside activities so I can devote all of my time to you and be all sexy for you."
Don't stop all of that stuff you enjoy it, I don't want you to stop any of those things.
I waited for 2 months to see a change in her, to see if she would read SSM. It still feels like ML is a chore from her. I really hope that MC will help us work through this. I don't see how wanting to get help is a betrayal.
Then I had to leave to go visit my mom (now in the skilled nursing) and do some errands for her. When I got back home W was gone. D said she packed a little overnight bag and went (we think) to stay with her mom who lives across town.
Well at least I am taking the hard steps to really fixing things now. Ripped the band-aid of a reconciliation off and starting the painful surgery that will either kill the patient (our M) or start the healing. I guess the emotional outburst at least says that she does still have an emotional connection to the R. It still caught me by surprise and I never imagined her running out of the house like that.
It still caught me by surprise and I never imagined her running out of the house like that.
I think you need to for sure got to MC~
When I read this I hear myself talking to my hubby. Sorry 5 gotta be honest with you. I think in the back of her mind she knows you cheated and she forgave you and she stayed with you and now you are basically telling her { in her view} that she isnt sexy ans isnt doing it for you ...
So she did what society dictates a good wife should do... and F8cking you til the cows come home is not what good wives do when their hubbys bahave badly.
I am not justifying her behavior hun, I am trying to get you to see where she is coming from.
That is why the basket flew... in her mind she did all the right things and you still want more after hurting her.
Does this make any sense...
I think she needs to heal before you 2 can get anywhere?
IMO~
I am sorry I never saw this before.. really I have been blind. This is why I get so angry when hubby is hard on me ,, I forgave him and sometimes it still hurts and then he gets mad about a truck payment? WTF?
see it from her side?
Let me know... she loves you that is evident and now I see for sure that she is in a lot of pain, even if she doesnt show it.
All my best from the bottom of my heart really, I am so sorry for your hurt... you 2 can get thru this. ~Ali
