Sunday morning I sat down to ask her if she would go to counseling with me. She did agree to go but said she would want to see the counselor alone at first. It really made her mad at the idea that this is even needed and then said things showing that we do need the help.
"You always dangle the threat of leaving over my head."
"I feel like I can't trust you."
"I don't think that there I anything wrong."
"Whatever I do, it is never enough."
I just want her to understand that I don't want for it to feel forced from her. We never really resolved our problems after we reconciled 6 years ago. We do need help to move past this impasse. I'll talk to the MC about what she thinks about individual vs. going as a couple at least for the first session.
3 hours after R talk she had been stewing and then finally blew her stack. Things have been bottled up in her for so long I should have seen this coming. She hit me in the arm (like being frogged) then trew the laundry basket at me.
"I fell so betrayed, you went behind my back to get a MC!"
"I don't feel like I did when we were young and first together."
I said, I just want you to understand that I for us to make each other first in our life together. Please read chapter 1 of SSM again.
"I haven't had time to read it."
"I'll quit all my outside activities so I can devote all of my time to you and be all sexy for you."
Don't stop all of that stuff you enjoy it, I don't want you to stop any of those things.
I waited for 2 months to see a change in her, to see if she would read SSM. It still feels like ML is a chore from her. I really hope that MC will help us work through this. I don't see how wanting to get help is a betrayal.
Then I had to leave to go visit my mom (now in the skilled nursing) and do some errands for her. When I got back home W was gone. D said she packed a little overnight bag and went (we think) to stay with her mom who lives across town.
Well at least I am taking the hard steps to really fixing things now. Ripped the band-aid of a reconciliation off and starting the painful surgery that will either kill the patient (our M) or start the healing. I guess the emotional outburst at least says that she does still have an emotional connection to the R. It still caught me by surprise and I never imagined her running out of the house like that.
