I'm here WDID. What do you want help with? Not to be mean, you know that's not my purpose, but OM said some nasty stuff to you? SO?
I know you had told him your marriage was over and then decided to give your marriage a try, but how does this change anything? I thought you'd said he pretty much said those same things to you personally before, so what does this change?
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Ok, a little more. What kind of man get's angry when he starts with a married woman, with a child, and then is pissed when she wants to make her marriage work?
I would think this would just reinforce to you that you did the right thing. If you try and your marriage doesn't work, then fine, get divorced and then after healing, start dating, but he's just a whiney baby if you ask me.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
You are right, Sara, I would have heard his verbal attacks everytime he didn't get his way. He was married and the divorce was nasty....should have told me something, too. I remember that episode...hitting home
H4u- I know he said nasty stuff...those words hurt me more than I wish they did....doesn't change anything with what I want, but makes me feel so crappy. You're right it does reinforce things...why do his words affect me so much? I know I want to be with H. He is the better man, better father, and I love him. I guess it's my guilt...I hear OM say those things and it makes me realize once again what I've done. It is hard to live with this.
OM is a piece of garbage. No 'man' who did what he's done deserves any respect for his pathetic words. He uses them to hurt people.
Read "The Four Agreements".
Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Don't Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
Perhaps you did make promises to him. But pre-marriage promises mean nothing. And as you know, even marital promises are not what they should be. But he should have been aware that you had promises to keep already when he was extracting new promises.
frank- he does use words to hurt, always has...and it works. I have never read the Four Agreements. Where is that from? I like those. I'm going to print them out.
Sara- I never made verbal promises, but unspoken ones. He had been through a divorce and you are right, should have known...Ok, I'm feeling a little better.
He knew that "what comes around goes around" would get me....I already feel like a bad person for what I've done and that statement just intensifies it.
As far as the Karma, you saw what you were doing and saw the pain you had created. You have gone through your own personal hell. that is Karma enough I think.
Hugs to you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
