He woke up in a mood and said F*ck you to me right away and wow isnt hat a greeting for Sunday morning? I feel like giving up, like making my escape to be honest. He started drinking right away and getting lost in his depression. FOO issues?
And I get used for the feelings?! I get thrown in thr mix for I am right here and wiling to take it cause I love him? BEAR~ I think of you every time I talk in extremes .. I am not trying to be so black and white hot and cold but it hurts and it hurts again just like it was yesterday....
Maybe he thinks the same thing maybe he is planning his escape but he loves me some and doesnt want to hurt me?
Extremes it seems it is all he knows and all I am used to this with him.... I feel so embarrassed that this still cant be great. It was for awhile and now it is back to how it used to be before the bomb. He just left after I made him breakfast... with the crew. They get all of him and we get the misery... He didnt even say where he was going.
FIB~ I am stopping... I will be me ... A Woamn who gives but I will not try so hard anymore.
I think he is testing me ..DO YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN foo?
I DO BUT I AM TIRED OF BEING TESTED I AM HUMAN TOO.
I HAVE NEEDS TO AND I AM MARRIED NOT SINGLE I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE A PARTNER WHO AT LEAST TRIES TO SEE I AM HUMAN TOO. I FEEL SO OVERWHELMED... I DONT WANT TO BE A waw~ I dont want to plan my escape secretly like I did with with first H.
The pain just wells up in me and with nmo warning I feel like running , running away from loving someone who doesnt love himself. Sorry guys I am not trying to soumd nuts but I feel like it right now.
I know I have blessings but right now they are not in my mkind all I feel is anger and frustation and pain....
He started drinking this morning ... he even stayed howm last nite didnt go out?
I am now drinking some and I hate to admit it but I am Human and I feel so tense and I have had 2 drinks already...
I dont want to feel this, I want to be happy. I know I cant be happy all the time... But I have paid my dues. I am starting to think he likes to be depressed for this had been something he fights for years. He was on meds for a whole week. Anti depressant and anxiety and he seewsm to revel in the pain.
Sorry everyone I feel so ugly and need to be honest... He is acting like I am nothing and it hurts.
I know I can only control me but it gets hard to pull yourself up alone all the time ... we are supposed to be together in this not alone...
