Trying ... well if you can call it that, I guess.

[Abbey]

Hi Dan... welcome aboard... actually I'm never surprised when spouses get "caught" that they say that's it! What other alternative do they have? It's that painted into a corner thing.

When I confronted mine about a photo of him kissing the parasite, you should have seen the big "show" he put on, and subsequent accusations towards me about this affair I never had etc etc etc. Thing is, as a friend of mine explained (this person's job is a "special investigator" ...and I'll leave it at that)... that when people are caught the 2 biggest reaction are these:... they'll either "crumble" and admit... or go complete opposite and try to accuse, or turn the table on the person who's screwed up their "game". Once the threat of repercussions subsides, usually does the cheaters bravado. It's not an absolute, obviously, but it is one or the other that more oft than not, is exactly how the thing plays out.

I'm not sure about the whole snooping thing in the way it's presented and recommended not to,... don't really know how in the heck else one is suppose to find out about the deception/affair etc in order to deal with it. So,... chronic snooping AFTER the fact, yeah I get that - unhealthy for everyone involved. Especially if it just serves to keep ripping opened the wound over and over again once you already know there's another OP involved. Then there's this fine edge of the wedge of stalker-ism I think that also sets in... Not like the ones we read about in the magazines, but more of giving the person that feeling that NOTHING about their privacy is theirs anymore. FWIW, I finally told mine about HOW I had access to his cell phone records. I laughed when I told him: Said, I didn't have to break in... YOU gave me access to them when you wanted me to download one of those cellphone ring tones. *grin* As it stands now, I know he's with her, I have gotten friends to just NOT discuss him with me, unless I bring something specific up. I just do not want to know for the most part. His mind is all over the place,... theres nothing definitive to be found in his day to day to day actions. It's actually helped me even out and detach enough that when something big I "need" to know comes up... I'm better to deal with it.

You've got yours in MC... that btw is HUGE... don't discount the willingness for the spouse to look for answers.

*hugs*
Abbey