Hi all, seems that there are quite a few people engaged in this discussion. Hopefully that means there will be some useful advice to draw on.
I too had an issue with talking to a mutual friend, who then relayed information back to my W. In fact, my W then followed up by telling / warning me that anything I said to him would come back to her. I knew that anyway and in some ways felt that it was something of an advantage. It's another way of relaying info back to your spouse if the direct lines of communication are troubled.
What I did find hard though was the feeling that she was talking to her friends a lot more about what was really going on in her head than to me. In her mind, they suddenly became more her kind of people than I was. That's particularly galling when you consider your spouse to be your best friend.
I sometimes wonder what was said behind closed doors. I still get the feeling that there was a final trigger to the unfolding of everything. It seemed to change so quickly. I still don't know if I am right on that score, or what it may have been. Probably there was a day when I was suddenly compared to the potential OM and found lacking. Oh, the benefits of hindsight ...
Max
I couldn't agree more Max. My W definitely has the issue of telling other people our problems than me, the supposed best friend. She told me she didn't air our dirty laundry, but a few people knew of her plans before she even told me. And she wouldn't involve people from her work, but says her rings are in a coworker's safe. How's that for not airing our dirty laundry or getting coworkers involved! This same work friend I know knew about this before me, and has been the only one to say, "I seen this coming". I asked W why this lady has been the only one to say that, her answer was, "because she sees me everyday". HELLO! SO DO I!
W won't talk to anyone who disagrees with the decisions she has been making. I think she needs an intervention!
