A, I hate to say this, but if he really felt like he needed to leave years ago, he would have done it. Many of them say that they've not been happy 1, 2, 5 15 years. The time frame changes w/their moods. Quite frankly, you didn't chain him to your side, so I would just let that comment roll off your back. We all go through a period of being obsessed and making every attempt to get them back. Some take longer to work through the grieving process and others, a shorter period of time. As you walk the path to Oz, you are going to discover that, in time, you are going to detach more and more and then one day, realize that those anxious moments are slowly easing off. It's called healing.
I think you are very wise to concentrate on you, your family and those things that require your attention. You will learn that you can do things on your own and guess what, it's very liberating to do them and discover that what you thought was so difficult has been accomplished by you! You just have to think positive and put one toe out the door at a time and eventually you will have walked over the threhhold of life and continued on down the path.
Your h is going to sense that you are different once he's convinced that you are moving on w/your life. He'll test you over and over again in his own way, but do not allow him to bring you down. Do not revert back to your old ways. If anything, show him that you are no longer dependent upon him to live your life to the fullest. Limbo can be very rough, but you have decide just how rough your ride will be. This type of crisis takes a very long time to get through. No one knows what the future holds as to whether he'll return or not, but in the meantime, plot your life's course and move ahead one step at a time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
