JUST USED LRT-WHAT DO I DO NOW???

[Sanderika]

I went out with friends last night. I met them at a local bar to listen to a band.

It was the first time I had to walk into a place like that alone. I felt very awkward. I didn't feel like I fit in with them even though they were all my friends. Everyone seemed to be coupled up and then there was me.

I stayed though right til last call and closing time. I tried really hard to GAL, I tried really hard to be friendly and upbeat. It was hard. I had a few drinks, but couldn't really catch a buzz. I was way too uneasy to have much fun.

I looked really nice and got a couple of compliments. I danced twice and felt like I have forgotten how to dance. I think it was because I was uptight. The band was great so it should have been easy to cut loose, I had a hard time.

I woke up at 5:00am having a panic attack. I do not want to do this. I do not want to be alone. I am scared. Why do I have to be in this place?

Maybe I should not have gone out with the local friends. These people all hang out with H and OW. Since they are out of town, my friends invited me. If H had been around they would not have invited me I am sure. H and OW hang out at this place too.

I think I was consumed by the thoughts of who I am. I am D's wife. People don't usually see me around like that. Everyone knows that D is married to me. D is regularly seen in town with OW. I think I am paranoid. I am so unhappy. I don't like this. Why am I so sad...I went out, I should feel good?

I feel like running away to a very far place and never coming back.