You are right PH. I just get so down myself. I see my h missing so much of the family stuff and affecting our kids. They are getting older and can see what is happening.
All the other kids in our neighborhood have both parents at home. This makes me feel like a failure.
I understand about inviting others to do stuff. I have to get a sitter to do that and then the cost is usually not worth it.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Like my H missed all but one choral/band concert and it affected me greatly but I never said anything about the way it bothered me.
Last Christmas, he finally attended a choral concert which I was shocked. He even sat next to me.
It is sad that they miss so much.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Thanks for your response your experience and insight help me.
PH,
I have been praying a lot more for myself and this morning I ask him to search my heart an reveal to me anything else I need to know or work on.
She continues to think that I am controlling or manipulative and I'm trying real hard to show her that I'm not being that way. She doesn't seem to trust me and she says she is done and can't do this anymore it makes me feel that she has given up on me and that she doesn't believe in me-that I can change. In these four months she hasn't spent any quality time around me to see anything.
Everyone else around me says they can see a lot of good change in a lot of areas and they encourage me keep doing what I am doing and to stay on track, that I am doing the right thing.
How come she sees nothing? She just accuses me of so many things and keeps dragging up the past. She says she hasn't forgiven me yet.
She said that is very busy and that things are stressful right now. Anytime I talk to her she says she is really busy. I think she is trying to keep herself occupied so that she feels productive and it takes up time so that she and her mind won't have to deal with our problems. Some of the people I talk to think that is she keeps this up that in a matter of time at some point she is probably going to crack or crash and burn.
glam, I know - same here. My H has also missed so much of our life together and of our dogs. He totally missed out on our baby (dog) who passed away 18 months ago. He didn't get to see him before he was put down. We got him together and he was supposed to be the baby we never had. Now, he blocks the poor puppy from his mind. I think he almost hated him because he felt that the puppy took away my time from my H.
You are NOT a failure. You've come such a long way with your H. He's willing to see you and spend time with you and the kids. He might be closer to home than you think.
Steelers, I remember the choral concert - how he cried there and he was shaking. It was amazing that he went. I think he's come quite a ways since then - now he can say ILY and kiss you, even though he goes into his cave quite often.
Sooners, The only thing you can change is you. Change for you, not for her. I know - same old cliche. It is true. We only can control ourselves.
How come she doesn't see the change? I don't know. Maybe she doesn't want to see the change and doesn't want to admit it out of fear of being hurt, or whatever.
My H admits seeing my changes and yet chooses to stay away. So, just because they see change doesn't mean they change their mind. Perhaps, they don't trust the changes to be permanent. Perhaps they are waiting to see if they are permanent. Perhaps the Enemy is preventing them from coming hom by telling them lies about our changes.
Hang in there. We need to be patient and wait for God's timing. It's hard I know. That's what I try to remind myself about.
I guess I need to learn better about God's timing and I'm trying to be strong and patient. Sometimes it takes so much out of me. Maybe God is still working on me. A lot of times I just feel so weak and lost on what to do and even what to pray.
Just be still and ask God to guide you thru this, to give you patience and strength.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I guess I need to learn better about God's timing and I'm trying to be strong and patient. Sometimes it takes so much out of me. Maybe God is still working on me. A lot of times I just feel so weak and lost on what to do and even what to pray.
Sooners, Ask God to show you how to pray and what to do.
All, I am having a meltdown today. At 8am, I came back to the house after walking our dog, and remembered that I had removed my house key from my key bracelet. It only held my car key! Long story short - I had done that because I kept the car running to get in the house in order to open the garage door. The garage remote battery was flat.
Anyway, I waited 1.5 hours for the locksmith to show up. He told me it'd cost $145 total (service call + opening the lock). Then he couldn't open the lock and had to try another door. He was going to replace the other door's lock free but then changed his mind and charged me $20 for replacing the barrel! I asked him why and he got mad saying he should have chargd me for a new lock!! What logic is that?
Anyway, I felt at the mercy of these locksmiths. He wasn't the usual company I used.
After he was done with the job, I ended up going upstairs and bursting into tears praying the Hedge of Thorns prayer and a M restoration prayer.
I am so hurt from all of this pain and need my H back in my life.
