Rob, Not to be rude , but i know you have paid your lawyer much money, but he/she has done nothing to protect you, this is the most absurd situation I have heard of, you have no rights, but must sell the house and bear the cost of preparing it for sale, your W has the right to call all the shots with visitation, hate to say it but something is very very wrong with this picture. We all , on this board . take our time to respond to what we think are real situations, but I have to say,even with Arizona Law, something is very very wrong!!!!!
I am a bit confused about this too, but my L has advised me that this will all work in our favor in the long run, so the best thing to do is wait it out. He is saying that W is painting herself into a big corner w/ her actions here and if we try to do something we may end up giving her an out. So, I'm being patient, but it still kills me.
I just want the house to sell quickly so I can move that phase of my life forward. The next thing is the parenting evaluation and then the discussion on whether or not I try to force W to move closer to an equidistant location from both of our workplaces.
It all sucks and I'm frustrated, but I've hired one of the best and most experienced in Phoenix, so I'm trusting his call on this. I just hate the whole thing.
I think your L has a good plan. I think a court would wonder why your W feels she should be calling the shots when you can see your D. A consistent parenting plan should have been established long before any finalization of a D. Your W has no reasonalble justification that would refute a 50/50 parenting plan.
I hope your headaches are getting better. If not, you should go see a doctor?
Sorry you feel stuck and frustrated. How is the communications with your W now? Can you join a help group, specifically for divorcing dads? Theres an organisation in the uk - fathers for justice, it has a US arm... http://www.f4jusa.com. They may be able to offer you some more objective advice thats not through a paid for L??
Sorry to hear about your headaches, you said you may have to have alot of tests done, are you fearing its something serious, as opposed to stress related? Acupuncture is excellent for pain and headaches, by the way. You can even get it free on the NHS here as so many studies show it works.
Ali xx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
As Ali recommends, you might find some sort of local group through meetup.com. I browsed there real quick and see they even have a meetup group for vampires in the Phoenix area:
Vampires? VAMPIRES ???? Thats SO scorpionic Rob, sucking the life and blood out of someone! You should join, you have a stellium of 5 planets in Scorpio! Only kidding. I'm not sure they'd be able to help you much with the vagries of parental rights in divorce cases, but you can go to a 'bite' with them. Funny!
Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
this is the most absurd situation I have heard of, you have no rights, but must sell the house and bear the cost of preparing it for sale, your W has the right to call all the shots with visitation, hate to say it but something is very very wrong with this picture.
Before you get outraged, that site is ironic. The point is, this is a formula. It's like the West Coast Offense. Plenty of lawyers know how to run it now. False Allegations. Trumped up charges. Restricted access to children. That's life. Sucks to be a man in a contested divorce.
Anyone who thinks family law is "Fair" is naive.
Yes, I speak from experience.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
RTL - Sorry about your headaches. I know just what you mean.
I had headaches too. Bad, piercing headaches. Sudden onset. Like I was shot. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with searing pain, like someone just stuck a screwdriver in my eye.
No kidding.
I also had distorted vision, dizzyness.
My physician ordered MRI, full diagnostics, etc etc.
It went away.
I don't know what to tell ya. I prayed and meditated and just talked to people. It went away. I was pretty sure it was stress related. You know what really helped me I think? I joined a divorce support group. I listened to other people tell their stories in person. Amazing. I thought my story was bad. I left those meetings feeling a ton of empathy for all the other souls I had met. I stopped feeling so sorry for myself. (as much)
You know what else helped? I let go, just a little bit, of all the crap. All the bad feelings and guilt I felt about no longer being the daily-supportive father I felt I had to be. I actually felt GUILT that I couldn't see my kids. No longer able to provide a safe home for my family. No longer able to hold everyone together. I let go of my bad feelings over my deteriorated work performance. I let go of my dream of paying for college educations for my kids. I let go of the dream of a summer home for the family. None of that was possible now, and I felt soooo horrible about it. Yeah I was depressed about not having that in my future, but worse, I felt guilty that I failed. Like it was my fault that I couldn't provide all that. I had to let all that go.
I forgave myself, a little bit, for all that. I accepted, a little, that those dreams were gone.
and the headaches went away.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Hey everyone! I'm alive, but just swamped w/ school starting up again. As soon as I can get back into the rhythm - which should be soon - I'll catch you all up and answer some of your specific posts.
