Finding the sexual being that is me~

[ACJ]

Ali,
The more I read your sitch the more like mine (in the past) it sounds. I remember too well the thoughts about the OWs. When I found out about what I thought was the first one I asked H lots of questions and he answered me. I even went to her own home and confronted her. It felt good BUT it ultimately only made things worse for me. She was literally a ghost at my side for weeks. She sat in the car next to me on my way to work, she lay between us in our bed. It was horrible. I did eventually 'exorcise' her (apart from times like this when I recall what happened). It was something quite bizarre but it worked for me. H and I played badminton for a few weeks on the trot. He has always been very competitive and never even let our children 'win' at board games when they were little. So as you can imagine the badminton was hard work and very energetic. One time that we went I was determined to beat him. I decided that the only way I could do that was to pretend that the shuttlecock was something/somebody I didn't like. I was experiencing all the thoughts you posted about how you feel about H at the moment and his As but I had made a committment to stay in the M and work things out. I never go back on a committment and so I knew I couldn't imagine that it was H that I was hitting. So it had to be that OWs head. Every time I hit that shuttlecock I imagined I was slamming my racket into her head. I have never hit anything so hard so many times in all my life. I won the game of badminton quite convincingly. H was astonished. I owned up and told him where I had got the mental strength from and he was horrified. Not horrified that I had such an imagination but horrified to find that I had been hurt so badly by his actions. I guess at that point he did still love me deep down. Now for him it is long forgotten. Me... well I think my post says it all (even though it is rambling).


A few thoughts on the ring thing. My H couldn't wear his ring for about 6 months due to a broken finger (from being kicked during a karate lesson). Even after his finger healed he seemed very reluctant to put it back on. He kept saying he forgot or that it irritated him after so long of not being able to wear it. I can't prove it but looking back this is probably when his As first started (as I found out that his first one was with a woman at the gym and not the one I described above). He always took his ring off at the gym anyway saying that the weight lifting bars cut into his finger if he left it on. I often remarked when he came home 'where is your ring' and he pulled it out of his wallet and put it back on. During his 'reluctant' phase I asked him how he would feel if I took my ring off. He saw that as me stirring up an arguement and refused to answer. So I called his bluff and removed it for a few days until he put his back on. He later told me that this really worried him and made him realise just how bad it made me feel when he wouldn't wear his.

H hasn't worn his ring since 15th January 2006. He'd left again by then but up until then had been wearing it at least when he came to the house. This time when I pulled him up on it he said it was in his bedroom at BILs (where he was temporarily living). He had come to watch my son play rugby and he could barely stay awake. He had arrived very late that morning for son (which at the time wasn't like him). I knew he had been out the night before b/c I had invited him round for something to eat as the kids were all out doing something and he declined telling me he already had plans. A week later I found out about current OW (my SIL confirmed my suspicions when I tackled her). I put two and two together and realised that this was the first time he had taken OW out and the reason he couldn't stay awake was b/c he had been up all night f**king her. He has never put it back on again and he has never been out of the grasp of that evil woman since. I have asked him for it back but have never received it. I suspect that is b/c he has sold it (probably to buy her engagement ring) but again I can't prove it.

A long winded way to say RINGS MATTER.