I am finally back in my apartment. It got pretty bad there toward the end, but there were the weather circumstances beyond my control. The cab took 3 hours to arrive, and H said he was getting really stressed out with me there. At one point we thought the cab might not arrive until 1 or 2 AM, and he still wanted me to go.
Then he got annoyed by a couple of things I said, which weren't actually leading or controlling, but which he took as such. He was going to go to town with me and meet some friends from work. Then the cab was very late, like 1130 PM, so I said that I assumed he wasn't coming anymore, and he got really mad and asked why I would assume that. I had assumed that because the place he was meant to go closed at 12. He said that he was just so used to me being controlling...So I did make a mistake. I said that at some point he was going to need to be able to spend a day with me as I am his wife. He said he was working on it, just wasn't there yet. I added that I just found it odd, and then he replied that he could pretend if I wanted him to, and I said no of course I wanted him to be honest. This is so hard for me, as he even made reference to some guy at work and how he's the kind of person he can spend the whole day with...so it is only me he can't be around. I am pretty worried as if he can't handle being with me now, and if we are not going to be in the same country, I don't know what will change so that he again feels like he can spend time with me.
So today was full of light future talk, even in the cab ride, and some physical affection, but I still don't really trust it as I have a husband who can't be in the same house with me for more than a few hours without panicking.
Ugh--I see him again on Thursday, when I pack up to go to Poland. We've agreed that I actually will spend the night there, as he is OK with it as long as he knows in advance...to prepare himself I suppose.
So now I'm panicking already about the next 3 weeks, before I come back for the first visit, and even that weekend that I do come back to visit.
Now I don't know if I lost ground today, or whether I'm on the right track. The ending was bad, but again this was mostly because of the weather situation that kept me there longer than he could handle, so he probably isn't holding this against me. At least he got to be honest with me, and I never once cried or got visibly upset. The sex couldn't have hurt things (or so I hope), and I did get the chance to slip in a few things that I would have put in my letter, i.e. that I would love to move somewhere for him, and that I didn't think we would ever have the same fights we used to as I understood my part in them.
OK I'm off to bed now. I will respond to other people's threads tomorrow. I'm just feeling very confused right now so need to try to sleep on everything...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
