Gypsy, its so sad, but I think my H was checking out too when OW came along, and boom! that sealed the deal. H was going through the motions, but here's the deal, and my complaint: He never ever told me he was so unhappy, never once tried to fix, just ran. And ran fast.
I felt the same way. I mean, when you get hit with a ton of bricks and the dump truck drives away it gets your attention!
I think of what he would say years back about my online chatting and it fell on deaf ears. I had such a wall up, nothing could get through. Would it have been different if I'd never said anything about an online friendship that broke his heart? Would it have been different if I'd been able to tell him how his absences and emotional withdrawal hurt me, that feeling like he needed me made him shun me, that I felt abandoned and didn't even know it?
The thing is.. he did try in his way, I did try in my way. His way made me defensive, that I was always in the wrong. My way made him defensive that he would "never put his crap out for anyone to hear." Houston, we have a failure to communicate.
A friend told me when this first happened that men never leave unless they've found someone else. That there's no reason big enough to leave until that.
When someone has on their running shoes, nothing you say matters. It's all about their journey. The trick is not to get caught up in how they blame you.
The best we can do is look to the horizon, not the dust from their heels. See the world around us with new eyes and start our new path. They know where to find us.
