Irmat, You have anxiety. Have you thought about getting some meds for it? There is nothing ungodly about getting some medical help. I took Klonopin for a long time just to get through the days and nights following the bomb. I also took an AD to help with the depression. This is a journey of sorts, lots of little steps,it doesn't happen overnight. You have to persevere and fight the good fight. Put on your armour of God and face the enemy instead of backing down. This has nothing to do with who has more faith, you will get more each day of this horrendous journey and it will strengthen you. The OW is nothing. She is merely taking up headspace in your life. Like a germ or a disease. The more attention you pay to her, the more she will fight for your Husband. To her it is a game. As for being still, it also takes practice. It is hard when your mind is racing and your heart is pounding, but you do it and you learn to breathe through the pain. Eventually, you get to a place where you can rise above the pain and the other stuff no longer bothers you. This is called detachment. This needs to be your goal. (((((hugs))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
