Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[istherehope]

Ok,

Today was like a 2 steps forward 2 steps back day. I don't think I really lost or gained ground, as there was both very good and pretty bad.

I'm still at the house, but actually not my fault. I left to take a train, but due to flooding there are no trains. Cabs have a 2 hour wait, so I had to come back to the house and wait. H looked stressed, so right away I jumped on this and said I was sorry that it stressed him out to have me in the house. He just said he was hoping for some alone time. Then I kept on, and asked about whether he believed I would now give him the space he needed, or whether this would take time. He said it would take time. I said I understood but wondered if he could tell that I was trying to do this now, and he said yes.Then I asked if the last 2 weeks had been good for him, like something he needed. He said he didn't want to talk about it now as he'd had no alone time today. I said I understood but that he could talk to me whenever he wanted to. Then I kept it from getting worse by going upstairs, leaving him to play video games. I am waiting for my cab now. So that was all pretty bad, but no arguments at least, and every time he said he didn't want to talk, I said I understood. I just feel like it negated the good times earlier. In addition to MLx2, there was talk of where to live in the future etc. This was mostly raised by me, but there weren't the usual we'll sees, there was mild agreement and some mild interest, so it seemed like progress. I guess when we have our next joint counseling session I'll know how he's really feeling...I'm just starting to get so nervous as I'm leaving Friday, and won't be back for 3 weeks, and then will be there for another 7 weeks after. I'd sort of hoped for some kind of indication that things were on track before I left-yes I know patience...so, I guess at least I came out neutral today (or so I think).

ITH