Here's my thing: I know, if I feel in love with someone else (as H has claimed with the Horse), I would say to H, "I'm sorry, I love this new man, I'm going to be with him". Why hasn't H said that to me? Why continue to wear his ring? Of COURSE she is treating him poorly: He is married and refuses to commit to her! I know, if I were her (which I would never be, but follow me here) I would be hesitant too! So, what doesn't he get?!
I honestly believe, if he truly wanted a relationship with her and didn't have any doubts about it, he would go be with her completely. Doesn't he realize that if he did that, she MAY just start treating him better? It is so stupidly logical to me.
So, it makes me question...why hasn't he? Probably because he knows that I do truly love him. That I am amazing. Also, I think there is a sick part of him that likes being treated poorly (his own self-loathing, not believing that he deserves to be treated well). What he doesn't realize, though, is that I am doing things for myself and I am finally beginning to realize what MY OWN NEEDS ARE and I AM beginning to pull away from HIM. The fact of the matter continues to be: I DON'T WANT TO BE MARRIED TO THAT MAN ANYMORE. I WANT THE "HEALTHY" HUSBAND. I DESERVE TO BE TREATED BETTER AND BE MARRIED TO A MAN WHO LOVES HIMSELF AND ISN'T A SELF-LOATHER. What that means is that H would need to do a LOT of work on his own--something he keeps saying he knows he needs to do, but hasn't.
I don't know how to make him realize he has chemistry with me. When I see him, I wear pretty clothes. There has been a lot of discussion around my chest lately and he has always loved my breasts, so I've been trying to wear flattering outfits. I don't know what else I can do? I guess I can begin to flirt more? But, Lisa--How do I flirt with him again? We've become so comfortable with him, how can I do it without seeming weird?
Have I had any fun dates lately. Lately, no. I am completely date free right now, out of my own choice of wanting to not be distracted. But, earlier in July, I had some amazing dates with this one guy who I could simply fall for. But, nothing in a while. It has been absolutely amazingly, wonderfully, quiet.
For your H, I keep going back to that day when he said that he would fix everything (or whatever his exact words were). That was big to me. I wonder if there is something to kick that into play. I wonder, if perhaps, you do give him some sort of "I deserve better than this" speech, it would kick start it? But, that always goes back to, are you ready in case he chooses the other.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
