On Wednesday, getting into the car with the kids, GBG comes out and asks me if I have been checking the mail. I say of course. She is waiting for the renewal of the Isuzu tags. Its expired and so is the inspection.
So, either she figured it out or "someone" told her.
I explained to her that the vehicle is not ours. It is her mothers. She bought it for her little sister. When GBG got sick last year, MIL bought SIL another brand new car and was going to sell the Isuzu. I was having car problems and let us use it. We've had it ever since.
I had to remind her that her mom probably got the renewal. Check with her. "Oh. Okay."
Again, she thinks fuzzy.
Last night, talking to D11 before bedtime, I ask if they were still going to Laredo. "Mom! Are we still going to Laredo?" Mumbling. "Mom said that she doesn't want to get a ticket, so we might not go. She said is going to ask grandpa to just send her the money or something."
I wasn't asking to see about kids getting stuff. I just wanted to know if they were leaving town for the weekend.
And does she think that she can only get a ticket while driving to Laredo? What about just going to work?
Fuzzy.
This early afternoon, I called to check on the girls. D11 sounds kind of funny. "Whats the matter?" "Mom got sick last night." "What happened?" "I think she said it was the Hot Fritos." "She threw up?" "Yeah. Gross. I'm never going in her bathroom again." "I'm sure she didn't puke all over the bathroom." "She did in the sink." "I'm sure she cleaned it up." "I don't care."
I know it had to be her acid reflux. She always gets it in the middle of the night. I would always wake up to her coughing and coughing and then chucking up in the bathroom. I would always go get her a glass of water and some crackers or a piece of bread to settle her stomache. Then maybe a candy. Always. At least once a month or so.
Not no mo.
And I hope she is checking the radiator for water. Needs it at least once a week.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I can feel myself starting to think too much today. It's been one week today.
Probably won't get to see my kids until Sunday. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't believe that I took so much for granted. Our relationship and the marriage. I just KNEW that we were going to be the one's taking a walk in our old age holding hands. Just knew it. That our place was going to be the one that our friends and family loved coming over to. Sporting events, BBQ's, gatherings at holidays. That WAS us.
Then it just started to fade away slowly. Our friends dropped away one by one. She played a part in that. We had always felt so blessed. Then life started to take its toll. Job loss. Financial difficulties. Family issues. Helping others.
It's just not any Fing fair. I know that I preach to my kids how life isn't fair, but damn. I have really done the best that I can in life. Tried to do things the right way. I have made my share of mistakes. More than I care to mention.
But my love for her.....I just can't shake it. I will ALWAYS carry this pain. The prospect of being alone really scares the sh*t out of me, people.
I live my life just waiting. Waiting to wake up. Waiting for a signal. A sign. The smallest sign from her. Anything.
I just feel like such a fool.
Sorry guys. My lump is back.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Im so sorry. I know what the mind can do, and you need to get yourself busy. Life sucks, but you have to make it better for yourself and for your kids with or without her.
No it isn't fair, and everyone takes things for granted, its what we learn from all of this is what matters. I know I have learned that not everything is black and white like my Dad once taught me. He was from the old school and is a very stubborn man.
You will be ok, your young and have some much more you can do, and you won't always be alone, try to learn to enjoy the time you have to yourself.
Hang in there
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I understand. I myself just spent the last 40 minutes or so reading my journal from last summer. I had all of the same feelings, and documented them all. It was horrible, reading all the words again.
I can't believe that I took so much for granted. Our relationship and the marriage. I just KNEW that we were going to be the one's taking a walk in our old age holding hands. Just knew it. That our place was going to be the one that our friends and family loved coming over to. Sporting events, BBQ's, gatherings at holidays. That WAS us.
Then it just started to fade away slowly. Our friends dropped away one by one. She played a part in that. We had always felt so blessed. Then life started to take its toll.
It's just not any Fing fair. I know that I preach to my kids how life isn't fair, but damn. I have really done the best that I can in life. Tried to do things the right way. I have made my share of mistakes. More than I care to mention.
(((H4H))) I'm with yah man. I feel the same way. I ALWAYS thought that we would grow old together and I took EVERYTHING for granted and now I'm here.
The best you can do is get yourself together and be the best you, that you possibly can...for you. She is in her own fog and has to deal with this her own way. Its not over 'til its over, so this is just one flavor of hell that you get to experience. Go through the pain, learn the lesson and move on. There is a lesson here, we just have to go through it to learn the lesson and move onto the next chapter in our lives. I feel your pain.
BTW...I so wish I was there cuz I'd go see Seether with you in a heartbeat. Fake it is a great song. Go and have fun for both of us.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
BTW...I so wish I was there cuz I'd go see Seether with you in a heartbeat. Fake it is a great song. Go and have fun for both of us.
Gonna really try hard. The venue is really small, so we'll see if I can even get in. I DO know that Seether is the favorite band of the girl that GBG used to work with. Took her into her web of trash and got GBG on her downward spiral. Might see her there. I know she wouldn't miss it for the world.
I had a really good time last night with my old bud. First place was too crowded. Ended up at the bar at Chili's. After a couple of tall glasses, D11 calls me. "Whats up, momma?" "Nothing, just calling."
We talk for a little. She is out on the patio. I tell her where we are and who I'm with. GBG lives maybe a mile away.
"I wish we could go out." "Sorry. We'll get together on Sunday, ok?"
Finish up and go back. After a couple more, with his wife now checking on him, we leave. D11 calls me back walking out the door. "Guess where we are." "I don't know. Where?" "To your left at Johnny Carino's."
GBG took them to the restaraunt next door. My friend kept insisting on going in to see them. I kept saying no. We were actually parked in that parking lot. He kept on and on. I kept saying that I didn't want to see her. He just wanted to mess with her. I know him. He invites the girls and I to go to the lake on a friend of his boat Sunday.
We'll see.
I go to the grocery store and then go leave a note on the driver side door of GBG's car. On the back of my business card, I drew a heart and wrote, 'I love ya'll'.
Went home, ate some dinner and watched 'Drillbit Taylor'. Didn't get into it.
No call from the girls. I fell asleep on the sofa.
Now at work, D6 calls me first. They are getting ready to go to a brunch. We talk a little. Mom is brushing her hair. I can hear her in the background. I ask if she got my note. Yes. She it is telling how they went swimming last night. I ask if they went to bed late. I can hear GBG answering for her. I tell her that I have to meet a client and will call her back.
Finish with my client, and then D11 calls me. She is tired. Sounds a little down. Find out GBG taking them to the coast her next weekend. I am taking them this next weekend with my folks.
It's like she is trying to compete. I hope not. Its not a competition.
We talk a little. She is tired because GBG got sick again last night and woke her up around 5 or 6am. We talk about school starting and stuff. She says her grandma is calling and she will call me back later.
I told my boss about last night. She thinks GBG is messing with me. "It's what we do. We'll mess with you guys every chance we get."
Today, I need to cut the grassy jungle in my back yard. Tonight, try to go to Seether.
Come on out, Suga. The weather is great.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
[quote=suga]It's like she is trying to compete. I hope not. Its not a competition.
I have that too. My H is a "Disney Dad". I forgot who here told me about that term, but really good description for H. Takes them to restaurants, movies, and buys them gifts and toys every time he sees them. I don't have the money so we eat at home, but I do try to take them to every free and low-cost fun. I'm thinking they do it out of guilt--they know they aren't being the best parents they could be (we won't even talk about their H or W skills!) So they think the gifts and toys and $$ they spent helps make up for their weaknesses and it probably alleviates the guilt a little.
I just try to be happy for the kids, although I have emailed H about spending so much $$ on the kids saying in a nice, friendly way how it might be better for the kids if they do some lower-cost things occasionally. H agreed and has been doing a little bit better, but still a little bit Disney Dad.
H4H, hope you have a good weekend!!! Are you joining us on our Chick Flick Night tonight (Nanny Diaries)? Feel free to join but I understand if you don't want to!!! Karen
