Piecing Friends, Last night my W and I had a difficult night of dancing. We went to our favorite R&B club.
During the evening, we were sharing the floor with a couple of male leads and their partners who were enjoying the spotlight. This apparently frustrated my W, who made a sarcastic comment about my lack of potential in ever becoming like that. The tone of the evening changed for me after that comment.
I was intimidated by them, and felt inadequate, as my repertoire is solid, but not showmanship. When they were on the floor, I tended to dance away from the center, off in the shadows. Part of my W's frustration, was that she was the best lady dancer of all the ladies there that evening.
I was ready to go home, but stayed for my W. She asked me for a final dance, and anger from her comment filtered into the dance. I did not smile the entire dance. She was furious on the way home.
I listened to her vent, and to her feelings of hurt that I would do such a thing. I wanted to go to bed, but stayed as I felt it was important to hear her and explain my piece.
I told her about her comments. She minimized them, not empathizing with how her comments affected me. I told her that her words have impact, and that she needs to be careful with what she says. I don't usually confront her on her misbehavior, or point out how her behavior affects me, so this was a 180 for me.
The conversation ventured into the state of our dance partnership, and where we're each at in the dance process. The conflict is that she wants to be in the spotlight for the first time in her life. I haven't had the confidence, and have been too inhibited to do so. My W thinks I have the talent and potential to do so, but is frustrated by my confidence issues.
She said that I should have addressed my anger at her at another time, and not on the dance floor. She appreciated hearing my thoughts on my struggles with the dance process, and my apology for the bad dance. She still wants to take three nights off from practicing to let things settle.
It seems like we're struggling to work-out our relational issues thru the dance partnership. I feel satisfied, that I said what I needed to say, instead of keeping some things to myself.
I hope we can move forward, and towards a deeper dance partnership. My sense is that the dance partnership will be the standard for other partnerships in our M.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
