BT When I was young I went after the elusive ones like the crowd. Now I let the herd thunder on, determine a criteria, and go for it. If the lady whom is close to my criteria does not play hard to get that's a good thing and it's a fun time for all. Boundries are layed out by both to max the fun and limit the downside.
When I look at something the herd picks I am like a dog chasing a car. When the car stops I find another car. The chase is the game not the prize and I'll let the herd claim the prize. I get a lot of funny looks like that but it's all good.
Their will be a time when you have that freedom and after the initial rush you will be at a loss on what to do to enjoy it. That will come also. I have spent years similar to you and now it's my turn. Your turn will come but when it does there always be someone who will give you the guilt trip so they can jump in line infront of you. Don't listen to it and evaluate their motives.
Some like the responsibility and if that works good for them. When you have kids and parents it's the giving time but also to hold others to task who try to weasel out of their responsibility. Again Motive checks for yourself and others.
Avoiding responsibility because of gender or birth order does not hold water. My often useless advice is if you have to pull their slack then let them know in a factual manner and do not take no guilt BS. A trick is one who asks the questions controls the conversation and gets the other to think. Maybe not to modify their actions but will point out their present actions good or bad.
Doing what is necessary will have it's rewards in the long run greater than the freedom gig when others (kids) need your support. When you get the freedom it will be sweet and the ones who run will know they are true dirtbags though in typical form they will not admit it even to themselves. (Trust me that is scary). Lots of people tried to jump infront with phony guilt trips and I told them to get their A$$ back in line.
If my X can no longer can care for my D13 and I become the custodial parent then much of that freedom will be gone however I will doing something more important. If my mother needs my help the same will happen. Until then I enjoy the ride, see the D13 when it is good for us, and help my mother when she needs it.
Your sacrifice is noted and the example you set is remembered by the ones who count the most.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
