We're never getting back together-How do you cope?

[onedge]

This is the email unedited, and yes I am very embarased and stupid having sent it, but I have never done anything like this before so it was a change, just not a good one.

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While you are reading this email you need to accept it and not get upset. YOU need to understand that this email is not about us, it's something much more important right now. Do not ignore anything in this email.

There was something I have tried to tell you about it before but the problem that is happening now, was happening then aswell. I didn't point out in the letters because i didn't think was important right now as you are sure that were aren't getting back together and I thought the problem was only me that it was effecting. I wrote the letters now, not earlier, because all but one of my fears is gone. I should have pointed it out because the problem is affecting someone that us separating was supposed to protect. I have realized how to be a guardian, a parent, a protector and a "knight", I also learned that the "shining armored" knight Idea doesn't work. I thought it might but i realized that to make a difference to anyone or anything, sometimes your armour needs to be tarnished, or black, and sometimes it needs to be bloody and broken. A "knight in shining armour" can't make a decision that will hurt the one they love. Right now I am a knight, standing up for what is right and what needs to be said, heard, understood and accepted. Saying these things will hurt you, and is hurting me because I want to protect you. But a knight makes the hardest decisions and sacrifices, and say the things that others cant.

This is the problem that i should have REALLY told you about a while ago.
The problem - Everything below this point are things that Emily told me that she feels she cant tell you or anyone else right now, I will point out when i'm saying something.

Emily is sad, very sad. She is also very scared. **You need to understand and accept this part as it is why she hasn't told you any of this**
She feels that every time she tries to tell you something you do things that make her feel bad, you will cry and she feels guilty, you will get angry and she feels ashamed and scared, you will defend it, and not accept it, and she feels like she is wrong, or you will make it her fault.

Right now she is under more pressure she was before we separated. She's sad because she feels like she can't tell anybody about her feelings right now,
She feels that nobody cares about her anymore, and this started just before we separated.
She feels like her thoughts and feelings, and herself are being ignored and she feels like you are pushing her away.
Because of all of this she is losing her self confidence.
She wants you to be happy but not at the cost of her being sadder.

Your 10 year old daughter told me that she needs her mother to grow up.
She said that because you are acting less responsible now, she feels that you are acting less like a parent and not dealing with or caring about the things that should matter most, like your kids.
She feels that right now you're in your own perfect world, and her, steph and zac aren't in it.
She knows that you seem to be happier now and she is so scared of upsetting you that she doesn't tell you, and she feels that she can't tell you or your mum either, because the same thing will happen either way.
She said that every time she has a problem everyone acts concerned and asks her whats wrong, but doesn't really care in the end.

**Back to me now**
Right now, I don't think she will end up being depressed like you, but I think she will be like I was before I met you and I am terrified of that. I realized that I can be her father, I spent 2 minutes with her today and i knew that there was something very wrong, her whole attitude is different at the moment and she sat there in front of me in tears telling me what was wrong. Right now she NEEDS YOU to understand this and not get upset at her, or say that you will make it better. SHE NEEDS YOU to do something about this coz' right now, and she told me this, she feels like you aren't doing anything about how she feels, and your leaving it up to the theripist at school, and she feels like you don't care about it at all.

She is so scared of making you unhappy that she couldn't tell you this at all, and i told her that I would, and she doesn't want you to be upset at her or anything like that, she's terrified of that. I had to tell you about all of this because Emily couldn't.

YOU NEED to accept this and deal with it, don't look for anyone to try and make you feel better about it, coz' that's not going to help emily, and it wont help you make it any better.

You can ignore me from now on if you want, hell you can hate me if you want, but that is a price that i am willing to pay if it helps emily and you get better.