My Heart is Breaking #7

[Dawn of Hope]

nlt,
Yup, I've been on both of those ADs. I'm on my seventh AD in about 4 years total of taking them, so I've tried almost everything! I know there's not much that can entirely take away the pain of what you're going through now, but please, please find a doctor to discuss your situation with. Ask around and find a good psych if you don't have one already--I've had two, and they were totally different--the one I have now comes highly recommended, and I feel much more confident in his abilities than I did with the first one, who I got because I needed someone who could see me immediately because I was seriously suicidal (this was right after 1st bomb). Your GP may be able to help you too.

I think you said you are taking your dog to a holistic vet? Not sure, maybe that was someone else. Regardless, if you want to go to an alternative medicine practitioner, fine, just do it. These people pay big bucks to be trained to help people (ideally, at least); take advantage of their expertise and let them help you. This is too hard a thing to go through without some kind of help, whether chemical or social or "alternative medicine" or whatever. The "stiff upper lip" has its place, but this ain't it. Get whatever help you need. You won't be penalized for it.

Forget H for now, to the best of your ability. I know, it's nearly impossible, but do your best. Focus on you, not on him. This is going to be incredibly tough for a while, but you are strong, and you will eventually come out the other side. Right now, do what you need to do for your own well-being. Write a gratitude list of five things a day (even as small as having socks that match!), spend time in nature, see friends, watch a favorite movie, play with your dogs--whatever makes you happy. Think of yourself as a child who is currently not well, and pamper her with things/experiences that will make her feel better. See your pastor/spiritual adviser--they're there to help you too.

If you have any helpful friends or relatives, now would be the time to ask for their help. If you can let someone else be the adult and take care of you while you heal, that's good; if not, then you need to put on your adult hat periodically and figure out how to take care of and nurture yourself. I'm not telling you this because I think you don't already know it; I'm telling you because sometimes it's hard for us (especially women) to take care of ourselves, or let someone else take care of us, because we have such a tendency to try to take care of everyone else. Well, it's your turn now. Give yourself permission. If it helps to think of yourself as a child who needs pampering and care, do so.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Peace,
Dawn