[girlfromipanema]

Hello everyone. THANK YOU ALL from the bottom of my heart. Reading your loving words of support is a beautiful thing.

I saw my counselor today. He seemed surprised at how well I'm doing... he asked if it was an act! Nope. Not an act. Certain triggers still make me sad, but I know things will not be forever bleak, and that certainly helps.

Tonight I went looking at new furnishings and found an absolutely beautiful bedroom suite that fits me perfectly. I'm thinking of going with the coastal look - antique white wood with a touch of sophistication. Stunning. It'll take 3 months to arrive, though, so I'm still thinking it over. It's fun to pick out things that I LOVE without wondering if my stbxh will approve. He has such strong opinions and I ALLOWED him too much influence over my own preferences. Our home is 100% "HIS". Not much of my personality comes through. I was weak minded, but now I am strong. I'm hopeful that this strength will be present forever more.

I discussed the box with my C. He thought it was completely abnormal to have a padlock on a box prominently displayed in OUR home and said he'd probably take a hammer and smash it. I told him about this amazing forum and the fun ideas we've had about the contents, ways of opening the box, and new items to replace the current contents. I told him I had great fun thinking of those things but I wouldn't act on them. He chuckled when I confessed my failed attempt at picking the lock.

I also mentioned the OW's voice grating on my nerves the other day and told him I am determined to remain as professional as I've always been at the office. I mentioned that it takes every ounce of strength in me, but I make sure to give her a smile and good morning or good evening greeting.

He gave me a big grin and said he was so impressed with my determination to maintain professionalism and a lack of vindictiveness. And then he said, "you are an amazing woman." Guess what? I believe him!

Now, before you think I have a swollen ego, understand that I realize how good I have it... my stbx isn't evil, he hasn't squandered our life's savings, he doesn't assault me verbally or physically, and, most importantly, we don't have children. If we did, I'm afraid I would not be this strong or amazing.

But, it's nice to hear and believe that people like me for me. I reached out to a girl (she would love that I called her a 'girl' - she's 46 and fabulous) at work recently and last week she left a card on my desk that said sometimes people need to hear what others think about them. And she thinks I have a "beautiful and geniune soul."

This weekend is busy with more packing and moving and I might take a drive up north to pick up a puppy for a friend if I have time.

Please know how much I love you all and how I feel I owe my newly discovered amazingness to so many of you and your loving support.

xoxoxoxoxoo

The Amazing Ms. Imp (wink wink) is signing off for now.