PH thanks for asking about my day. We didn't go to the gym as planned. We waited for th dryer to be delivered. Went out for lunch. Did some shopping for the kids. Watched a movie at home together. Had a nice shower scene together again. Took the kids out for dinner and then took the kids out for a movie.
We really had a nice time today. I was thinking of what you said no pressure. H did call me honey at one point and even said he loved me without me saying it first. I said we were having a sex capade and he said no it's called ml.
I helped him with some job stuff. I will continue to pray he comes home soon. Thanks for your advice I really think it helped.
He will be here on Sat to spend time with me and the kids. We have some things planned.
How is everything going for you?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Sooners let God lead your life. I would be kind and loving. I can tell you when I pushed and pushed and was all resentful we did not have the interactions we are having today.
I will say many times talk to you later, which simply means we will talk again sometime soon. No need to ask or analyze.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
sounds like you had a very nice day. i am happy for you.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Thanks for your thoughts, the message above is pretty much what I sent and that was what I was trying to achieve, kind but not pursuing. I just mentioned that I hope she is ok. I wanted more but figured it would be to pushy.
sooners, I think you did well. Keep up the good work. I know you are trying to do your best to do the right thing. And God knows that.
We really had a nice time today. I was thinking of what you said no pressure. H did call me honey at one point and even said he loved me without me saying it first. I said we were having a sex capade and he said no it's called ml.
I helped him with some job stuff. I will continue to pray he comes home soon. Thanks for your advice I really think it helped.
He will be here on Sat to spend time with me and the kids. We have some things planned.
How is everything going for you?
glam, I am so happy to read about your lovely day with your H. He really did make huge steps, in my opinion - calling you "Honey", and acknowledging that you ML. I hope you have another nice day on Sat.
I am doing fine. Trying to meet a deadline so have to work tonight too. I did send a thnak you email yesterday - kept it brief, thanked him for letting the boys spend time with our dog and me. Also said that I hoped his feet feel better soon.
I have been praying hard as usual. About every hour I remind myself to pray the Hedge of Thorns prayer. I really need to know how to pray for my H and to know God's direction in how to work on my M and how/when to interact with my H.
Thanks PH these were huge steps. He has never called me "honey" in 2 years. He has said IL you, when I say it first. First time in 2 years that h said IL you first and I know he really meant it.
It was as if the day should never end. Tried calling him today, since the kids were so excited and wanted to talk with him. No answer and no call back.
This is the hard part. When he is away it's as if we don't exist. Not sure what to make of that. Any thoughts?
I am glad you said a thank you to your h. I did this tons in the beginning. Usually never a response, now he types out a sentence now and then. Did your h respond?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Thanks PH these were huge steps. He has never called me "honey" in 2 years. He has said IL you, when I say it first. First time in 2 years that h said IL you first and I know he really meant it.
It was as if the day should never end. Tried calling him today, since the kids were so excited and wanted to talk with him. No answer and no call back. This is the hard part. When he is away it's as if we don't exist. Not sure what to make of that. Any thoughts?
I am glad you said a thank you to your h. I did this tons in the beginning. Usually never a response, now he types out a sentence now and then. Did your h respond?
glam, It's really nice that he said ILY first. My H has not responded when I (rarely) said ILY (during physical intimacy). My H can't bring himself to feel anything because he battles with the pain of closeness when he wants to be separated.
I think he's temporarily withdrawing, which I hear is a normal thing after intimacy. The Men Are From Mars book mentions this too. I don't think you need to worry. Give him his space. They need to feel they are still in control of themselves and not lose control themselves (which they feel after intimacy). It's the "go in cave" thing.
I have said thanks tons of times. He usually doesn't respond. At he beginning, he used to thank me for the "sweet" note but that didn't last.
I wish my H would ask me on a date, glam.... Believe it ot not, I am still working (from home now).
Wow PH so sorry you are still working. Yeah I just don't get it why he can't answer when we call. He said this would change, but I guess not yet.
Well, in the beginning I would always suggest to h that we could go to dinner or a movie etc. Many many times h would say NO. He would say I just need to get through today, this week or whatever.
I was persistant and now I still mostly sugeest things, but he almost always says YES.
I don't know what to suggest for you, but you could always send your h an e-mail something like Hey h, would you like to join me this friday night for a movie at my place? I just rented such and such and was thinking you might want to see this movie too. Let me know. Hope all is well with you. Love PH
Have you ever asked your h to join you?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
"This is the hard part. When he is away it's as if we don't exist. Not sure what to make of that. Any thoughts?"
Yes, because my H does this, too.
He told me that just because we do not hear from him does not mean that he stops missing and thinking about us. He said he thinks about all of us all the time and misses us as well.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Wow PH so sorry you are still working. Yeah I just don't get it why he can't answer when we call. He said this would change, but I guess not yet.
Well, in the beginning I would always suggest to h that we could go to dinner or a movie etc. Many many times h would say NO. He would say I just need to get through today, this week or whatever.
I was persistant and now I still mostly sugeest things, but he almost always says YES.
I don't know what to suggest for you, but you could always send your h an e-mail something like Hey h, would you like to join me this friday night for a movie at my place? I just rented such and such and was thinking you might want to see this movie too. Let me know. Hope all is well with you. Love PH
Have you ever asked your h to join you?
glam, I just finished working, phew! Now, I am SOOO tired. Only got 5 hours sleep last night and my naturopath told me I need EXTRA rest too.
Immediately post-S, he refused to do anything with me. I asked.
Then about 4 months post-S until about 9-months post-S, I used to invite him for lunch or dinner with the reason of thanking him for his help with this or that. He would accept and have a really good time.
Mar 2007, he started to turn me down. I stopped asking. Then he initiated coming over (to help me with the basement, etc.). It lasted for about 2 months (last Thanksgiving).
Jun-Jul 2007, he'd arranged for vists with the boys (during their summer visit)
Sep-Nov 2007, he initiated visits to help with this and that.
In Dec 2007, he tried to initiate ML, but I told him it was ahrd for me emotionally when he left afterwards. He also felt the same.
Jan 2008, we started ML again. We seemed to be getting closer but then
Feb 2008, I brought up the financial figures he'd asked for 18 months before. That seemed to turn things sour... Or maybe my imagination.
April 2008, the 1st "you need to move on" speech. May 2008, I told him I was praying for God to heal our M 1st Jul 2008, 2nd "you need to move on" speech Jul 2008, no contact at all Aug 2008, contact after 5 weeks, saw him twice in 3 days, no intimacy
I am nervous now that if I ask him out, he'd feel pressure, and think I don't get that he wants me to move on.
His BD is coming up in 2 weeks. I am contemplating whether to give him a card and make a BD cake, no gift (as I did the last 2 years while spearated). I think I need to at least acknowledge, even if no cake. E.g. a card, VM or text message. The cards were not romantic anyway and won't be.
