is it really true?

[addie]

(((((Stella)))))

I'm sorry you're feeling blue again. I don't think your H would intentionally lead you to believe that the two of you would get back together just to dump you when you move back. Your H wants to be with you but is very weak right now and OW happens to be there for him. She's not the one he wants to be with but he's addicted to the fantasy. This reminds me a lot of my H.
You're only a few days away from moving back with H. You have to prepare yourself because it won't be easy to go through H's withdrawal from OW but it doesn't have to be over for you.
Take a look at my thread. I just posted some interesting stats about A's.

[stella_k]

I don't think your H would intentionally lead you to believe that the two of you would get back together just to dump you when you move back.

No, addie, I don't think he would. I'm afraid, though, that it is ME leading myself to believe that, interpreting his words the way I want. I've always had problems with taking NO for an answer, I keep asking the same que until I hear feeble YES .

My H has told me many times that he is unhappy, suffering, "in hell", while S; that for the past year every day was like 9/11 for him (a very strong statement), that he wants his "home" and his life back. And that he never stopped loving me (most important).

But he also said that he and OW have special chemistry, that she is the only one he wants to ML to, that I made him miserable, that he was in a SSM for too long, that he doesn't know if he can come back "for real", that there is part of me he hates (the angry me is not a pleasant sight; and I cry a lot).
And the worst - he doesn't miss me (after nearly 20 months of S!).
Now I can see how very contradictory it is, but that's the way things are.

Yesterday I've done something silly. I asked a que: what shall I do in order to get H back? and then opened a dictionary randomly.
The word I was pointing at was "departure". It startled me at first, then I thought of D17 leaving for college and a short trip (5 days) I have to make to bring her there, while H will stay in the empty house, getting ready for the move.
It is very hard for me to see her off, I think it will be even harder for him, he's never been there for her during her last year "at home" and he'll only have 4 days with her!

Could that be the "departure"?
May be it will wake him up finally?

I'm afraid I don't make much sense after sleepless night

[stella_k]

Hi ((((all)))).

H has called and - surprise! - an alien again, someone I haven't heard from in a while. Well, not entirely, but at the beginning of the convo he was pretty much his stupid foggy double, then he gradually warmed toward me and called me by pet name, once. We spoke a bit longer, though, mostly him telling me about his day and discussing D's plans.

I asked him whether our Friend has called yesterday and H said yes, and that he (F) is such a gossip (he is, a little bit). So I had a chance to ask: then why did you tell him about OW? H said, I asked him not to talk too much about it (?!). And that was it.

Then H told me that he's going away for a day, his boss invited him to his country house, which means he will call me on Monday.
I said, fine. It really is, given that for nearly 6 months h'd go two weeks in a row without a call or e-mail.

I have 3 explanations for his sudden alien voice:

1. Our F gave him a piece of his mind yesterday.
2. He's going to see OW tonight (probably will stay overnight). I could call him and check, but I'm hurting enough and REALLY don't want to know.
3. OW is going with him to his boss's country house.

In 11 days I will have an alien visitor! YAY! And in less than a month I will board the spaceship !

I think that for the first time (sadly, it was a very short time too:)) I really FELT today that I'm ready to drop the rope. Better later than never, right?

[Kalni]

Hey Stella mou,
only read your last 2 posts, I am on vacation and my internet connection is acting up (like my kids). You better get yourself on another mood, act as if you have won already in regards to her. You are too close now, dropping the rope is not an option now for you.
Love
K

[stella_k]

((((Kalni))))

You better get yourself on another mood, act as if you have won already in regards to her.

oh, I know... I wish I could just ignore my stupid gut feeling. I KNOW that OW's as hard at work as ever and I KNOW that H is still infatuated with her and it really affects my mood. I have 9 days to do something about it and I don't think I can pull myself together for acting as if right now. I'm as scared and faint of heart as I was after Bomb1 and Bomb2. It makes me sad. I was hoping to become a better/stronger/happier person, detouch and GAL, but it's just not happening for me!

I'm still trying, though :).

[addie]

(((((Stella)))))
Try to hang in there a little longer. You've come so far and are now preparing to move to hometown with H. Don't drop the rope just yet. Give yourself some time to be back together and then you can make your decision. You can probably expect H to suffer withdrawal from his addiction to OW. You really need to prepare yourself for that eventuality. I have found this part just as difficult to deal with (if not more difficult) than initial bomb of PA.

[addie]

BTW Stella, I just came across your post on W2G's last thread about having lunch with us when you are out in BC but I am no longer living there. It would have been wonderful to meet you too.

[Forrest Gump]

Ok.. I have some questions.. but I am paying attention now.

So he is coming home in 10 days?

[stella_k]

(((Addie))), i didn't know you were in BC.
It was a shot in the dark! I was just hoping to get lucky :).

(((FG)))!! Thanks for stopping by!

So he is coming home in 10 days?

7 days .

H has called yesterday, we spoke for 20 min or so, overall a nice feeling. No R talk, of course. Later he sent me an e-mail, a pic of his new project, some thoughts on D's sitch with college and a funny short poem he dreamt of. Don't know what to make out of it but once again, it felt good.

Today I was out late, having dinner with a friend. May be H has called, I don't know. Found another short e-mail from H, same thing: his project, D's admission, moving details.

Guess what? I feel DETACHED!!! Don't know if it's going to last, though

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

{{{{{Stella}}}}}

Just dropping by with a few hugs! Almost spider stomping time!


SMW