Try and hang in there whatever life my bring. I try and quit trying to wonder what my W is thinking. Brings on to much stress, probably some of it is not true.
Do what you need to do for yourself and no one else. In the end it will all work out.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
I was also feeling alot of pain since early am I think I am trying to come to terms with what is... I think i am still grieving -it comes and goes had a hard day with D13 ..I think she senses my energy and works off it at times I know on the other hand there are many blessings here and my kids and I are surviving, and in time we will be better I guess I just still hurt plain and simple I feel abandoned and betrayed and left with all this responsibilty seems so unfair--
D 13 said H said he "isnt coming on Sundays anymore" I kept the kids last 2 sundays so I dont know if this is h way of getting back? I have to let it go and try to get back to my PMA which I seem to lose easily Its a little hard getting to this stage when you finaaly have to grieve the total M.. I think keeping hope help me to pospone that
peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Sorry you are feeling so down. As you read I was pretty down last night also.
Find it in yourself and make the choice that you are not a victim. You are better then these circumstances. Look at it as growing pains leading into a new chapter of your life. Live in every moment to your fullest capacity.
All the pain and hurt will pass. You are a better person now then you were. Everyday you will become better and better. Love yourself even when you don't feel like it.
Take care of yourself and your D13. They are precious.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Hi peace- How are you doing? I can understand your cycling with pain and frustration. You have had to deal with so much and your H has left you to be the parent while he is just someone who visits the kids several times a week.
Keep doing what you are doing. Move forward with your life and if you want to have hope, I believe you can...but it can't be your focus. Your H is lost...he is miserable...and only he can help himself. I believe your H knows you still love him so if he can his way home, he will. So, you have no choice but to live your life and be happy regardless of what your H does.
I know you will find a way to keep your PMA going...you are so good at focusing on the positives. Good things will come to you.
H here tonight we started talking about D I wasnt planning on it but there were some things I wanted him to know , so when the L contacted his L he would be prepared he was irrational seemed tired and depressed he complained about the M how I was so controlling I never cared about him I didnt listen years ago when he complained that part I validated..he was right I was too focused on my children especially when they were younger I said I didnt agree with D but if it would make him happy then he should He said He filed b/c I told him too I said there was no choice as I couldnt continue this way I probably said way more then I should but ive been holding it all in I feel H is going to move on mayber visit less or gert a place and take kids I will miss him but I have to let go this pretend M where he visits and we are friends cant go on after a time, maybe we can be friends I dont know but I think i really have to let him go peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I still believe you H doesn't know what he wants and he filed to help you. I know you feel that the D will proceed because the wheels are in motion. You have told your H and your L that this isn't what you want but at the same time you believe that this is what you need to do...so can you just not do anything to help the D along?
My H and I went to the C last night. It was so interesting listening to him talk about what he has been feeling for the last couple of years and so much of it fit into the MLC stages...and I have to say I was impressed at how my H was able to work through so many of his feeling on his own. I really had no idea he had processed as much as he had. There is something going on with your H beneath the surface and you really have no idea what could be. You know I think that your H's filing could be something turn into something positive because he has been stuck and avoidant...and although filing for the D isn't the movement toward, it is movement. You can see that your H is physically affected by the emotional turmoil he is in. If you can, keep validating your H's feelings. Let him know that regardless of what happens, you are sorry that you didn't listen and you weren't there for him the way he needed you to be. I still believe your H cares for you and wants to keep the connection but at the same time he wants to escape the pain he is feeling...and he is trying to keep from hurting you any more than he has.
Who knows what will happen in the future...and IMO, you are doing the right thing by being open to the possibilities. You want your M but you are realistic that the odds maybe against you. You know your H isn't emotionally capable of being in a real relationship now so you are moving forward with your life. Not that I am any expert but I think you are handling things in the healthiest way possible.
In reading your last post, this sounded so much like my h when all this first started happening. You are controlling, I was miserable in the m and most recently my h said you don't care about me. It's amazing what they say.
What they say and how they are really feeling are 2 different things. I think my h is making progress, but Peace this does take time and lots of it.
Upside and I both know how patient one must be and the baby steps are far and few between.
Hang in there, you sound like you are doing good.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I agree with Upside and glam. It sounds like your H is at least communicating with you now that the D process has started, even if he is being somewhat irrational. At least there is movement and H is processing SOMETHING. He's having to face reality.
I know I probably say this every time - let him go and keep moving forward as you've been doing. Have faith that things will work out for you, no matter what happens.
Hi H called this am I was surprized as he usually doesnt call me but he had a few things, I guess he felt thr need to discuss nothing that couldnt have waited I also think he is concerned about my Brother who works for him brother is not happy there and feels no connection to H with upcoming D I dont think this will work out but H choice and H consequences back to the thought that MLCer cant expect to walk away and affect no one they do become the "bad one" I think h is cycling..I dont want to read to much into this as I have experienced these topuch and goes plenty in the last 18 months yes 18 months now--of Pain, growth and lots of change then when he came to visit kids, also friendly and talkative again fixing stuff No more talk about money and how he cant afford to pay me ( D) He told D13 to use credit card for her day trip One thing for sure I dont trust him I am going to get exactly what is most fair I will not back downfrom what we need he will have to survive on LRSS again his choice So I am still detached yet feeling more comfortable around H again I am not scared I am ready to let go I am going forward peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I am glad that you are doing so well. I don't blame you for not trusting him. I am not sure I trust anything with my W and it has not been as long as it has for you.
You should be proud of yourself and the way that you have grown through all of this. If you have done all you could and need to get out then go out proud. You have been fighting the good fight and nothing to be ashamed of.
It is good that you are letting you H take responsibility for his own actions. I wish you all the luck.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does