Sorry for the long post, I had to be a little creative with the good old cut and paste I'm not very good at coherent story telling, sorry. There's a bit about before the separation, and a bit about the current situation. Oh and, I haven't got DR yet, I ordered it but it's about 5 weeks away from being here.
Before my wife and I separated, she started to flirt worse and worse, she's always had issues with being "undesirable" to people, so it made her feel good about herself, well thats what she told me when we had been together for about 6 months. Back to the story, she had been flirting worse over that last few months, and although it was killing me to see it, I did nothing, because it "made her feel good". She took it as me not caring. She thinks she is falling for a guy that makes her feel a certain way, or something like that, I'm pretty sure its to do with the depression. She told me that she didn't want to see my sad eye's again.**if she knew it upset me, then why didn't she try to change** (sorry, momentary angryness) Honestly the last 3 years has been hard, we'd been living with my W's parents which was really stressful, and then we moved out late last year. She had feeling for other guys and I don't know why, she would get upset everytime I brought it up. She wanted me to understand the depression more, everytime i found out things about it, i would talk to her about it, and she would either say "i already know about depression you don't need to tell me" or "everyones depression is different, what helped other people might not help me", without actually listening to me or trying to get better. She is very hard to talk to a lot of the time because she has a way of making me believe that either I'm wrong, or at fault or she would just get upset, and I would stop trying. I haven't been the perfect guy, I admit it, I was guilty of not communicating, but when i tried to tell her that, she denied the problem and said there is no issue in our communication. I needed to put more focus on her and the kids, and I needed to help more around the house. My wife currently hates me due to an email that I sent her last weekend, and she might forgive me sometime, but she wont believe anything that I say. I am not one to ever pretend that there is nothing that I need to change. I need to change me almost completely. It's hard to find a balance now, we aren't in the same house anymore, I'm with my parents, and W is in the place we were renting. She's talking to me, sort of, and I found out that she hates me less today than she did yesterday, which is ok, but she still says that we will never get back together. We both joined facebook the day that we separated so we talk on that sometimes. I told her after what happened (the email, before that we were talking ok, almost friends, painfully) I knew it was hard for her to talk to me, so I said that "I would always be there to talk to when she needs me, I wasn't going to push her or pressure her, when she is ready to talk I will be there to talk to her". Now she starts conversations at random, then stops mid conversation and I don't understand why. I hurts me when she does it, and i don't know if she would realize it or not. She says that she wants me to move on, and that by the time she can trust me, and believe me, and believe in me, it will be too late for us, but it wont me too late for me too find someone. I see the kids, I have them on the weekends and stuff, but they don't feel comfortable at my mothers house, so they wont be staying here again. I'm bumping up the house hunting because of that. I take them out places every time i have them, and we have fun, but it's when i have them that I miss W the most. I'm already doing 180's sort of, The email was one, which kinda went toooooooooooo far. I realized what I did, that didn't work so it's not going to happen again. I'm getting out more and I am taking the kids places, which is different (before it was a money constraint more than anything) I'm going to the pool 2 times a week, and I'm trying to start drawing again (which my wife used to love me doing) and I'm trying to start a band at the moment. Apparently i'm a good singer and it will help me build confidence (which I very much lack). I want to join the jym when I have the money as well. I'm going to start taking action instead of waiting till the time is right.
Don't know if all of that was very helpful at all, i'm better with specific questions :P
Last edited by onedge; 08/08/0810:49 PM.
t7-years m3-years Me:22 W:27 Wifes kids (love them like my own) D-10 D-7 Our Kids S-3
I'm not very good at coherent story telling, sorry. There's a bit about before the separation, and a bit about the current situation. Oh and, I haven't got DR yet, I ordered it but it's about 5 weeks away from being here.
