Never posted to you but went through damn near the same thing you going through back in 07 for 3 1/2 months. I said the same things to myself, I am the man I am the provider, felt like a total bum. I was looking at and applying for anything, problem was most places that pay minimum wage won't hire somebody my age or with a degree, cause they know as soon as you find something in your field you will be gone so they figure it would be a waste of their time to hire you train you or whatever else. So I was basically hosed, couldn't find a job in my field and couldn't get a job flippin burgers.
Well the W would come at me with if you loved us as much as you say you do then you would do whatever. I said I am and tried to explain to her exactly what I just said in my 1st paragraph, but she just wouldn't listen. So now not only am I beatin myself up my W makes me feel even worse. Then you throw on top of that she started threatening with D if I didn't find a job, geez can't win. But did her spending back off NO didn't she pick up a part-time job to help out NO always said it was the man's job to do whatever it took to provide. HOG WASH I say. This is a partnership not a dictatorship now my family never went without, I found the money to make ends meet lowered myself to ask for help from family.
Then she has the gall to look at me when she was moving out and said I will do whatever it takes to support the girls and me where we are living. I looked at her and said thanks alot, you say you will do whatever now why could you not of had that mind set when we needed it back then? I said never mind I know the answer to that it's because the man should be the provider, it's really cool how you can decide when I am the man and when I am not. Funny she had nothing to say.
My whole point here past my rambling, is I have been there and I will tell you this, get off of yourself you are only 1 person you accomplish nothing by beating yourself up when you don't have a partner to help you your hands are pretty much tied. You ARE a GOOD man don't be like me and question that. I will never question myself like that again, I did what I could I still provided the comfort level of living that my family was use to.
Stay strong and know that you aren't alone in how you are feeling...
