My Heart is Breaking #7

[Dawn of Hope]

nlt,
Just checking in...I am thinking of you and praying for you. I know this has got to be just incredibly painful for you. So many people here have had good advice and suggestions for you; I hope you are able to do those things to help yourself.

I wanted to ask about the ADs you are on. You said you are on two of them? Which ones, if you don't mind my asking? I have a very long history of depression myself (almost 30 years), and I finally started being treated in 2001. I was just thinking that it might be a good idea to see your doctor--your regular one, and your psychiatrist if you have one. I see my psych regularly (every few months, starting two days after the bomb last fall) and he helps, and I saw my regular dr. this spring and she was really helpful when I told her about my sitch--I had a lot of more general questions for her, like about STDs, and also had more time to discuss MLC and such with her than I get with my psych.

Anyway, the reason I suggest it is that perhaps you can get something additional to help you deal with this new horror emotionally while it's still fresh and raw. I don't know, Xanax or something? It didn't do anything for me except make me sleepy, but I'm sure there is something that would be suitable. Not the regular stuff that takes six weeks to start working--I know you're probably already on something like that. I really don't like drugs, but I have finally accepted that I will probably have to be on ADs for the rest of my life, given my longstanding depression. I don't think they are the solution to everything, but they can really help sometimes. Better living through chemistry! What I'm thinking of for you is something that's the emotional equivalent of morphine for extreme physical pain--it's not something you want to use long-term, but it can get you through the immediate crisis.

I'm not a doctor (nor in the medical field, nor is anyone I'm related to), but I know a lot about depression from the inside. Please schedule an appointment with your doctor, and don't let them stick you in a slot a month away. Get yourself on the cancellation list and insist on seeing the doctor ASAP. Work with your doctor to figure out what is best for YOU. I do not presume to know what that is, but I encourage you to AT LEAST give your doctor the opportunity to help you. I'll bet that he/she deals with situations comparable to yours all the time and will have some ideas that will help.

Believe me, I *know* how hard it is to get yourself to do anything at all when you are drowning in depression. Some days it seems like just walking to the mailbox is more trouble than it's worth. I've been dealing with that at some level for most days of the last 30 years. But sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do it anyway.

If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your dogs, for your friends and family, for the people on this board who care about you. Other people who read this thread, are you willing to add your voice to this request?

Be still and focus on what YOU need right now.

Blessings and peace,
Dawn