I found some yummy cheese!

[pisces9]

Julia- well i know the main key thing for him was listening and validating what he said. and i mean anything he said including D talk at first. i just heard him and was quiet and kept letting him talk without much feedback from me...as things progressed (to this day) i really hear him still and i only add a bit more of my insight..it is still a lot about him talking and me listening to whatever it is...work stuff, R stuff, fun stuff...i am just very clear with myself that this works and makes him feel safe. i dont change the topic like i used to when i thought he was done...i just keep listening and staying quiet. that is/was a challenge for me- but the results are amazing.
als0- after the 1st week there was no pleading/begging/ crying. all he saw was 100% happiness and calm. it was the hardest thing (still is) ive ever had to do. i was miserable but showed him i was ok- why? bc it enabled him to see his own stuff, showed him i was ok on my own and didnt allow any guilt in for him to feel as that would make him run away.

i also would make him feel safe by a touch or pat here and there..very subtle and slowly progressed to more. major self control!

well- now that we are making progress i am pushing things a teeny bit and then i back off...he has been receptive to most of it but a few things he hasnt been so i just go dim for a day or two then he contacts me...that is the hardest part. now that we have been talking more i want to share everything with him...but what helped me was coming to these boards and sharing or with my friends...i think Neil said dont worry- one day you’ll get to share, just not right now..and sure enough a few days later i was able to. ialso dont contact himonly once- meaing if he replies to my invite ill invite him again a few days later if he hasnt by then...

my DB coach saod receptivity to my invites is reciprocalness...

i am having a sad few days- more melancholy actually- now that H and i are on the track to reconciliation- i have all sorts of feelings coming up and i am a little down bc i do want to share my life with him...

PATIENCE was my #1 job and still is. it is the hardest word imaginable...but thats all you can do.

and cherish the times you are together- i have to stop myself from trying to think of when ill see my H next- only enjoy what time we get.

GAL is very hard for me right now- i have to push myself to do much outside of work and exercise..so that goes in waves ..but it does help.


there ya go! it gets easier....you are doing great and it is so hard sometimes.
my friend said to me this morning that the saying "labor of love" must have come from a married person!