I thought I was doing pretty darn well up until last night. I don't know how a convo can go downhill so badly all because I asked if we can set up a time to talk again. Crap, I didn't think it was such a bad question. Okay, so IF you don't see me on here for a while it's only because I'm wallowing. But don't count on it because I know I can at least come here to vent.
I don't think I can shake this one ladies/gentlemen.
YES YOU CAN! What is the alternative? Dar do you want your daughter to grow up being a confident self assured and capable young lady-living life to her full potential?
I take it the answer is a resounding YES well then be the mother that shows her the way. Starting now.
One thing I did that helped me let go was Get a box and put in it all the reminders of the life I used to have, my marriage to a loving and caring man. Photo,s gifts letters etc. I also wrote a letter saying why I could no longer give these items room in my life because I was starting a new life as ME. I wrapped it in a black ribbon(I tend to do dramatic) I lit a candle and I said some prayers-that I was grateful for my marriage that I loved my h and my children but I knew that GOD did not make rubbish, nor did He give me a life to waste on self pity and unhappiness. So I was taking my love and placing it in the past. That day I vowed to live my life as best I could to the glory of God and to be the mother my children deserved and needed. I refused to fall back into old ways.
IT was hard work Dar but I did it you can too. You may not be as dramatic as me but I think the ceremony helped. The box is in my loft, untouched and not thought about for years-until now. Make your stand Dar.You have no husband, you have a person in your life that causes you untold grief and pain and wasted days months and years of your life. You are a relatively young woman their is so much more for you out there. Think about going and doing something for those who have no choice/less fortunate. It doesn't have to be a big commitment but you will ge far more back than you give. I got to go and do some work now. Take care.
You can let go, let him be, let him have his space for now, and also that would be for you to live your life, keep busy, you get my drift.
Changes---ask yourself if you have changed-maybe list them, and has your H changed--list those as well. A list just for you and then work from there.
I don't have a list but I know there have been changes I have made and many positives in my H.
It is a work in progress. You can do this.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Thanks for your help SF. I know I can GAL and do things. The problem is is that H always happens to pop in my mind. It could be during or after, but he's always there. How do you escape that?
How do I escape that? I just carry on. It does get easier. He is on my mind but it has not eaten me alive. I try not to dwell on it. I have my own life to live and I have lots of responsibilities and other things to do. When you are mom and dad, there is lots to be done.
And yes, I do get out once in awhile for a lunch date with a good friend.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I do these things too. I feel I'm better and better at it. The thoughts of him don't stay with me (except for days like today). Mostly they're thoughts like "H would like this" "what a nice time, too bad H missed out on this"....things like that. Where before I couldn't even stand the weekends because I missed him a ton. I'm emailing a friend now and we're talking about H. Maybe he doesn't want a D, just more time to "cook"? He's told me he doesn't want a D but then times like this come up and he's also said he's done. She said that he comes to me to talk when I don't ask about it and to not pressure him. Doesn't seem like it should be that hard right?
Hope the evening isn't too painful. We are all here for you Dar but only you can do this. We can all offer our perspectives. Its what you want that counts. We all are different and are able to accept or put up with different amounts of doing nothing/trials and tribulations.
You are young, others are not and have had more life already. we all have different ideas of what a life should be. Just be calm and breath deeply visulise what you want or how you see your life going. Stop talking about H and whether or not he wants D. It is what you want that matters,how you live your life without H in it.
