What he is going to do so that this awful OW is out of your lives?
Yep. THIS is what it all comes down to. The ball is in his court, and you need to ask him what he is going to do with it.
There is a world of difference between the different stages some wayward spouses are in. Some are "I'm not having an affair; we're just friends." And others are "Yes, I'm involved with someone else, but I'm happy, my marriage is over, and I have no intention of stopping it."
But then there are the people like your husband, who basically say "I want to end it, but I can't." This is the group that needs a firm no-contact/transparency plan, to help them deal with the addiction and give their marriage the best chance of success. Saying she "just stops by" the fire station is b.s. He needs to send her another letter (and again, YOU should approve the content, and be the one to deliver or mail it), specifically telling her NOT to contact him -- EVER AGAIN. That he is trying to work on his marriage, and that he owes it to his family to give it his best shot, and that he can't be in contact with her, and ask that she respect that.
And you need to ask him to do just that. His response to you will speak volumes about his intentions.
