This is very sad news and I am sure the next bit is going to be particularly tough to get through. Keep posting as often as you need to so you can stay connected and get additional support. Maybe a little bit of planning to be with friends or family for that anticipated really tough weekend? I know, this stuff is brutal, just brutal. All the planning and distraction in the world doesn't fill the hole in the heart, does it?
Nonetheless, we are here for you, and do what you need to do to ramp up support and caring during this time.
(((NG))) I know it's hard, but I still remember someone here telling me when my h moved out that it was not the end and that maybe moving out was part of the journey my h had to take to get through his crisis.
Try to plan something fun for the first days the kids are gone. A day at the spa, maybe?
Your h will also be without you and the kids for most of the week. That will give him lots of time to think about what he's doing.
(((NG)))- Your kids may seem okay with it but they only think about the moment. They don't think long term. They don't think about the day to day of it and they may not even see how this affects you. Right now this is something new and different. My kids were babies when their dad left so that is all they have really known but if you would ask them, they would give anything to have an intact family. They hate the back in forth and they hate that their father, step-mother and I disagree about so much.
Be prepared because the newness of the situation will give in to the reality. I know you are glad that your kids seem to be okay but be prepared for the fallout.
I am so, so sorry NG. Hopefully once your H gets his time and space he will realize that the M wasn't the problem. In the meantime, you need really detach now and GAL and try to be open to where ever this journey may take you.
I can only imagine how hard this has to be on you. You deserve so much better than this and it boggles my mind why your H can't see what he has. Your patience and strength thoughout all of this has been incredible but now it is time to allow yourself time to grieve what once was...and find hope for the future, whatever that maybe.
Thanks Upside. I think you are so right about the kids. I don't think they really get it and what it may mean for the long term. Not surprising since they are only 9 and 11 and have no concept of what love is outside of parental-child love for each other. They seem secure right now in the fact that H and I both love them very much.
Besides moving out, H is being a good dad and I am thankful for that.
I don't know what to think about the long term myself! At times, I think about what I would need from H if he were to come back, but then I think I shouldn't bother thinking about that right now because it may never happen and it certainly isn't going to happen any time soon. I have no expectations.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
Nature girl, You never know what will result from him moving out, but it sure will give you a time to catch some relief. I hope your doing well! Most all S's in MLC need their space and time, to go experiment and try out a new lifestyle. Be prepared to see and hear of some really crazy things that he might say or do, it will get worse before it gets better. Keep your focus on yourself. TIPPER
I don't know what to think about the long term myself!
I think we LBSs can't think long term. Right now figure out what to do to make it through today or maybe the week. When my H first moved out, I thought I needed to figure out what I was going to do...which way my life was going to go...I thought I had to know if it was it going to be with or without H. As time went on, leaving things open ended started to become a little easier. You can figure out what do about your H when things become clearer...when you have started to heal. Just take your time to figure things out.
Be thankful that your H is still being a good dad and let him know how much you appreciate that he is.
I know this has to be such a difficult time to get through for you. I remember sleeping (or trying to) on the couch for months because I couldn't sleep in my own bed. I just hope since you were able to prepare yourself, it isn't as difficult of an adjustment for you...of course, can you really prepare yourself?
Keep remembering all the things in your life that you are grateful for. Doing that helped me so much. Go out and do some things for you...and even though it may not seem like it, things will eventually get easier.
breton - yes there is an admitted OW, married (at least she was) and an associate at my H's law firm. I estimate she is 7-8 yrs. younger than H and I, but has a couple kids similar to slightly older in age.
As much as I thought I was prepared for this to happen (him moving out), it is very tough right now.
tipper - thanks, I think I am doing as well as I can right now. I will be okay no matter what happens.
Upside - that is a good reminder to let him know that I appreciate he is being a good dad given the circumstances. Like I said above, it seems like you can't really prepare yourself.
I will plug onward!
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
I remember posting to someone quite awhile back, when I wasn't faced with the certainty of an H who was moving or had moved out, that I wore mine still even though H had taken his off. My thought at the time, was I am still married, so of course I still wear it.
Now that H has moved out, it seems so fake to be wearing it. It symbolizes "for better or worse", and my H has totally bailed out on that. It symbolizes "our love" for each other, when all I have left now is "my own love" for him. I do believe that "our love" still exists. It exists more explicitly in me, but also somewhere deep within H where he can't (or won't) feel it. I know it is there, but what I don't know is whether he will ever go deep within himself and pull it out or even dare to look at it.
I also worry (or maybe worry is not the word to use) that me wearing it will make H think that I am clinging to what was and not letting him go. I am not "clingy" in my actions, but if I took it off, he couldn't misinterpret me having it on, or feel like I am indirectly persuing him. On the other hand, if I took it off, he could also misinterpret me taking it off.
Any thoughts on this?
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
