Thank you all! I only have a second to post. H has become more and more "attentive" about what I'm doing on the computer, and I really don't want him to find this place. It's kinda my safe zone.
I promise to reply to everyone soon but I wanted to quickly post something I'm really proud of. We went to the concert in the park again last night and... I kept seeing this guy who looked REALLY familiar but I couldn't 'place' him.
We almost always run into people we know down there but maybe haven't seen in a long time... so I figured that was the case. Finally pointed the guy out to H. Almost that same instant I realized who it was. OW's XH. OMG. I mean I always liked the guy, and I was sure happier when they BOTH came over than when just she did, but I mean.. awkward!!! H was quiet for a minute then said "Um, that's [his name.]" I managed to stay calm and said "Oh yeah, I just realized that too."
H kept glancing over there and I finally said "What's going on?" He replied "Oh don't worry. The 'other one' isn't with him, they're totally separated now and only see each other when they're with the kids." The "other one"??? I had to giggle a little bit at that. (inside, H saw nothing!) I was glad he didn't say her name, I still hate hearing it. He then said he was just wondering if he/we should go say hi or not. I said I was OK with it if he wanted to (and I was, surprisingly OK with it!). By the time we decided, the guy was gone - but then walked up to us a few minutes later and said hi. Guess he saw us, too.
So I'm proud of not freaking out, VERY proud of the fact that I wasn't even "acting as if" - I truly WAS OK with talking to him. For so long anything that even slightly reminded me of her bothered me. I'm gettin' better! We chatted for maybe 20 minutes and it wasn't even (too) awkward. Kinda nice.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I remember when H was wanting you and him to get with her xh, or someone related to her in some way, and you were like, no way! So I'm really glad to hear how you feel now. It'll keep getting better. And it definitely helps that H is so much attentive to you and committed to the R now.
YEA!!!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
OT You make a VERY good point about the TMs. It's weird because he responds to the short flirty ones but not the others. The more serious ones he does tell me he gets them but never responds via TM (but sometimes calls me) so I dunno. Or like you said, at least he reads them, so maybe I send it and not worry about the rest.
It DOES make sense to communicate in the way I do the best.
I think my gut still has an "issue" with the TMs that I need to work through. I'm BETTER but I still hate it. I wonder why sometimes... how different is it really than email or boards like DB?
Poet Thanks, gotcha!
ST Thanks so much! True.. expecting. At some point after sooo long though, I mean, aren't "expectations" OK? I was just thinking if I was dating someone I'd "expect" certain behavior at this point, y'know? But.. you're right, we should actually TALK (or text, or something) about it. I agree, good idea to ask what HE thinks is right/appropriate.
Aww c'mon isn't 99% honest close enough??
What's odd.. actually.. is that I really DO believe him in my heart. My head keeps saying "Don't be stupid!!" but I do trust him. It's like I trust him but hate the feeling I might be (or might've been) a fool about it.
GF, CK Thanks!! So great to hear from you.
Michelle and ST (re: the OW XH situation) Thank you! I am really happy that it didn't freak me out because really, he's a good guy.
ST.. you have a great memory! At one point it was my H and OW acting like teenagers, wanting to basically "party all the time" We had OW and her H (now XH) over for dinner one night and he and I were both pretty mellow, laid back. H actually suggested (indirectly but still obviously) that maybe we should "switch." EWWW!!!!!
GF - awww you are sweet to say that about H too, thank you! I know you guys all see a very biased "view" of him and I'm glad that his good still shows here.
--------------- So.. catching up.
I know I'm missing stuff but some high/low-lights.
- Last weekend was fun overall. I got mad at myself for being b!tchy a few times, though. I hate it when I get like that!! But for ex. Sat. night we got invited to a "Martini Party." Sounded fun.. I asked what H wanted to bring and he said Vodka Lemon Drop Martinis. Sooo.. typical "me" I research it, decide I need to zest lemons and make fresh lemons juice, etc. NOT a big deal except he got frustrated it was taking me so long (me thinking "yeah to make YOU look good..) ...ugh. When we got there everyone loved it and he kept saying what an awesome job I did, but basically I took too much work on then resented it.
- Sunday was my Dad's BD. Not actual BD but the day we agreed to all get together (me, Dad, half-sis, bro, and SIL). I think it's been at least 2, maybe 3 years since H participated. This year... H asked me "Do you want me to go?" I said "Well I'd always like you to go but it's up to you - I'd like it but it's not deeply important to me that you go." H decided to go.
- Also Sunday.. we had so much fun!! H was very attentive and we did lots of pretty physical stuff (i.e. hiking... ) which was great.
- I have been GROUCHY. I hate that!! I am trying to pull myself out of it, but I keep almost "reverting" to the "old" me. I spend all night with nightmares that maybe it's the "real" me. (I HATE people blaming this but part of me wonders if it's PMS a bit.. sorry guys.. ).
- Tonight was really great. Good sale at a local clothes store and I decided to go shopping after work. My clothes have been looking kinda repetitive lately so I really wanted to find some new stuff. Ladies have you shopped lately??? OMG... what's with most of the clothes???
I'm sooo not a "shopper" but I like looking/feeling good so I tolerate it.
Anyway... after many hours I managed to find some stuff I liked or thought I liked. Funny thing was practically on the way out I grabbed a skirt that I thought was cute but I wasn't sure.
I called H on the way home to say sorry I was so late - can I just say, love him??? He was excited I went shopping. He said "I did the dishes for you.. I mean, sorry, it's not for YOU, it's for US, but you know, you usually do it so I did it so you don't have to worry about it." Nice!! THEN he tells me "I started dinner I hope that was OK, I saw there were directions in the freezer on the stuff you made so I went for it." Sooooo nice.
I thanked him profusely than started to show him the clothes I got (out of the bag) and he said "Noo show me, aren't you going to model it for me?"
Wow...
So I did and the even BETTER part was he gave me honest feedback. I showed him my fave skirt and he liked it but wasn't super enthusiastic. I showed him another outfit and as soon as I walked out he said "WOW!! I love that!!!" (funny, it was the last minute skirt I almost didn't even see..). I showed him one more outfit and he said "Hmm.. it's nice but it doesn't compare to that last WOW one."
I know this sounds funny but this is huge.. he was HONEST with me about my choices. Old him would've said "It looks fine" (uuugggghh!!)... new him was able to say "not so sure that's 'you'" and new ME was able to accept it and move on.
Whew.. so much more to report on but basically, R is doing good. PMA/GAL.. I need to focus on it!!
Starting tomorrow at noon and through Sunday I'll be Internet-less (we're going to Tahoe again ) but I'll be thinking of everyone. I'll catch up Monday, too.
Hugs to all!!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
"I did the dishes for you.. I mean, sorry, it's not for YOU, it's for US, but you know, you usually do it so I did it so you don't have to worry about it."
Isn't it so funny how silly he is talking about something really trivial?
Very happy for you about his truthful comments. When a guy isn't scared about the reaction, they are definitely more comfortable to be truthful. A guy using the word "fine" keeps him out of "trouble". I HATE that word too. oh wait, its the word "nice" that I hate.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
about what I'm doing on the computer, and I really don't want him to find this place. It's kinda my safe zone.
