Here we go again...long need to vent

[water2moon]

Ok so after the cop fills out her report and calls it a domestic disturbance..she tells my H to give me back my phone and not to follow me..Of course he does just that. He followed me home the entire way calling me and begging me to just talk to him. At this point I was such a mess I could not even speak.My good friend drove to my house to take care of my kids and she got them some lunch..I called his sister who I am close to and she drove out from NJ to come over..at this point I wanted him out of my house..But then something happened..everything changed. H broke down sobbing..this time worse than ever before..I knew he was so scared..But for teh first time he let me in..He satrted telling me things, told me he was a mess and confused and that he no longer loved her but becasue I kept saying horrible things to him every day I was the one driving him away..I was making him miserable when he had asked me to help him..I laughed that time and told him that it was I who needed help..He told me he did love me and wanted me to be the one who made him happy and not her..he also told me that he was scared of not living with me, that his life was here and he could not imagine alife with her..so now my H who has refused any sort of therapy is now in counseling with me.I have seen the error of my ways, for although I did not force him to speak to her again I did help..I also spoke to the OW yet again..Gosh at this point she and I should go have tea together or something! And she told me that they were not physical this time just foolishly thought they could remain friends..I dont know what to believe really anymore for I no longer have any trust left. But our therapist pointed out that the fact that my H did not stay with the OW at her sons party and remained with me the entire time outside and then followed me home it showed where he truly wanted to be. At that point he thought ok my marriage is done she's going to leave me now so what do I have to lose? And he could have stayed..but he came after me..I really hope I can DB better this time..I do love him and it was so nice hearing him say the words again..And I know he meant it..Little by little the man I fell in love with is returning, he says he wants to be that person again, he doesn't like himself anymore..Sort of feels like I'm helping an addict in a way, but instead of alcohol or drugs its another woman..I hope that he continues counseling as I know he really needs help too..and its a miracle that he even agreed to it..but I'm happy that he did and after 8 mos the clouds are finally starting to lift and I am beginning to have real hope..