Hey there everyone. How did things go with the MC. A shot of whiskey in the car before going in helped.
I got what I wanted, but, not what I had hoped for. My goal going into MC was to get W to come back next month and to postpone a D for 6 months. She agreed to both which is good. I wanted the woman that wanted a hug from me on Sunday to show up and to have softened her position.
We did not go out afterward as we have in the past and the discussions were a rehash of the old hash of how everything is my fault and it always has been my fault. The woman who was at my house on Sunday for her birthday party who wanted a hug is my sweetheart. I love her and I always will love her. The person that showed up today who will swear until the end of time that she is not a victim and yet blames all the bad things in life on other people is the person that I want to get away from.
Of course we had to deal with my snooping and that there is no trust from either of us to the other. Things got semi-heated a couple of times.
W talked about my snooping including how she has another cell phone given to her by a male friend who assured her that she should be able to make a phone call free of the fear of being snooped upon. Followed by a rant about how I had snooped on her computer.
I talked about how she wasn't trustworthy. Promises to be home by 2300 only to find her getting home at 0230 from the bar were good examples. Her rejoinder was that she hadn't done that in months. I meant to bring up the weekend in the mountains that she didn't pay for, but, I forgot and it probably doesn't really matter.
I think that there is enough pain and hurt to go around. I can admit to the things that I've done while W can only justify and deflect the responsibility for the things that she has done.
I thought through reasons why I'm not snooping on her now. 1) I never felt better for knowing more. 2) If we are finished as she says, why would I care what my xW was doing.
We spent a good bit of time talking about school for the kids and W registered the kids in the district where she lives, but, that may collapse if the landlord won't back her up that the kids live with her some of the time.
We talked about D and joint custody and how we would manage that. W talked about how she saw that she needed to spend more time with the kids. I meant to say that the joint custody plan we had been thinking of, that we would have a family home where the kids live and the parents would take turns living there every other week, was something that we could start doing even without a D except that W works nights and so that is not possible. When I think about DB and working hard to possibly save this M, I would run from implementing something like this because it seems like it would make a D easier. When I'm upset and tired from being in limbo and being for all intents a single Dad without the opportunity to move on and tired of the mess and responsibility of the kids, then I want a shared custody pattern to be established sooner.
Sigh, there are people here who are hurting and who I know wish that they were in MC with their spouse and others who hardly even converse with their spouse. I almost feel guilty for being so frustrated with our current state of affairs.
