buster80

[sandi2]

Buster, you may laugh at this, but I think a lot of "texting" with some people is really a huge habit for them. I believe that it is addictive to a lot of young people. Very few times have I ever seen my GS without his cell phone glued to his hand. When I look around at most people in their young 20's (especially) it seems he is not alone in this "habit" of texting. If he does lay the phone down....I hear the little text signal going off constantly. That would drive me nuts! He can't sleep at night for that little "ting" going off....and most of the time, it is the girlfriend!

I have been amazed how M couples, email, phone, text, etc. all through-out the day.....to each other. What do they have left to talk about when they get home? (lol)

In all seriousness, about your W texting so much......that could be her way of keeping tabs on what you are doing all the time. She sounds so much like my GS's girlfriend, who is very controlling and wants to know where he is and what he is doing.....but of course, she has her little "excuses" for texting...just like your wife is using! Sorry that I keep referring to my GS's stitch, but it is just so similiar in what I see here.

As a woman, I can tell you that when your wife sees that she has lost all of her "female" power over you--and that you do not react or respond to some of her little female tricks.....but instead you are acting as if it does not push your buttons at all--b/c you really just don't have time to play her games (due to your busy schedule, etc.)....then she will be the one to get frustrated......and then she will, hopefully, start acting more like an adult and start looking at what she really wants.....her H or the OM. (Sorry, but as you see, I write long "run-on" sentences.)

If you want her back.......(and, do you?) Then, you have to outshine the OM, but you will only do it by listening to people like Puppy and some of the other men here that are advising you. However, I can tell you how she may feel or react as a woman (lol).

So, she needs to have you set strict boundries by letting her know that she cannot have her cake and eat it too. (Note: see Puppy about strict boundries.) She will soon see that she cannot be all lovie dovie with you and sleep with OM! When she sees you treating her politely....but so detached from her emotionally.......oh,trust me, that will get her attention quicker than just about anything you could do! The entire point is that you don't act like an a$$ b/c you are wanting her to see you at your best! You be on your best behavior while around her......use your charm (if you can muster any up, now), ....well, you may not be able to muster much right now since you are still so angry...but bluff it. You CAN use good manners, even if you don't feel like it, but good manners and kissing butt is not the same thing.....know what I mean?

I have tried to tell so many of the young husbands that if they would treat their WAW's nice....but detached emotionally and act as if it is b/c the H is so "involved in other things"......his child...getting a personal life of his own.....act interested in whoever he may be around or talking to at that time, etc., SHE WILL NOTICE!

Be nice, and look at her when she says things, but then immediately focus your attention to something else.....like your son. If you don't look at her when she is trying to talk to you, she will think she is "getting to you". And, she will continue to play her games. That is why this is so important for you to do like we say. The secret is to immediately look away from her and turn your attention to something that is more "interesting" to you! If you are an interesting person and act as if you are throwing yourself into "life" and find everything esle "interesting", except for her (b/c she just can't seem to hold your attention!)........this will make her really start seeing you with new eyes.

Sweetie, it is the female nature that she wants that one man's "undivided" attention.....that she can't get. If you are being "nice" but detached, she can't get mad at you for not "caring" (as she would refer to it), but it will get her very frustrated b/c she can't get your undivided personal attention ON HER! That is what she wants!.........but she can't have it! You become unavailable to her......and b/c you are being so unavailable, emotionally detached, and so darn charming, looing hot and smelling good enough to eat.......trust me, she will knock herself out trying to figure out why she can't "control you" so easily anymore, and she WILL WANT YOU. She will not admit this fact to herself...much less anyone else, but after a while, she will be thinking about YOU instead of the OM. She will be wanting to get your attention and be with you instead of the OM.

So, what you have to do is use every opportunity when she sees you to look your best, act your best, and outshine the OM. But, you must do just like the book tells you to do. Don't go down those "cheesless tunnels".....just do what works.

Sg, in the next two weeks I would like my wife to stop seeing the OM. But that won't happen..... I'll settle for in the next 2 weeks, my wife having doubts about what she's doing, even though she probably already does

If you will do as the people here have advised you, then your wife WILL have doubts about what she is doing.....and what she really wants. It may take longer than two weeks b/c that is probably not enough time, but if you want her back....don't give up hope. But, as you said before, just act as if it doesn't bother you what she does or thinks.

I know it gets confusing to the LBS about the detaching and yet being polite. Not replying to her text, but not being rude. I realize that could be mind blowing at times. That is why you need to post every day and let folks help you. Keep reading the DB book and mark places that apply to your stitch. Sometimes, when under a lot of stress, we have to go back over and read it several time before we really "get" what the message is.

We are here b/c we want to bust a divorce. We are here for YOU! If you are served with papers......don't panic. Continue doing the DB principles. Even if there is a D, there is always hope until she remarries. Then, you will need to move on without her and make a life for yourself. That is what it needs to "appear" to her that you are doing now.......just don't over-kill.

Take care,
Sandi