things are feeling a little better, I have tried very hard to be patient and not naggy about the antidepressant thing, he did finally go and get some St John's Wort which his counselor recommended as a trial. It took him forever and I was upset that he was putting it off so much, men I tell ya, some days.
He also came home from an evening with friends in a weird mood, I asked him why he was in a weird mood, and he told me he went to confession, he had told me he was thinking about that. He also said he forgave me, and that he had blamed a lot of things on me. He actually seemed to feel somewhat lighter. The guilt he has is really strong some days, and I think admitting it to someone who would also view it as a mistake, but forgive him helped him. I do forgive him, I want to move forward in our lives, not rehash the past, I can't change that, but I can effect my future so that is what I am working on the hardest.
It bugs me that my mood was so effected, I seem to have forgotton how to act as if and to be happy in and of myself. I think the biggest reason is that I feel like things are going to work out most of the time and I am anxious for that to happen, for me to feel better. I need to remind myself we didn't get to the bottom in one day and we certainly can't climb out in one day either.
I have too much going on in my life to spend precious time and energy freaking out so I need to get better at that part
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
